Her Saddest Day

Isn't it strange how until you are a mom there are so many emotions you don't understand?  I remember imagining what it would be like to give birth to my first baby.  I was excited and knew it would be indescribable, but still I didn't know how exactly I would feel.  And then Daphne was born and I wanted to memorize every detail about that day.  I wanted to hold onto that JOY, that unduplicated JOY, that comes when you meet your child for the first time.  I wrote every detail down of all of my babies birth stories...I just never wanted to forget anything.  And yet, every year when each one of them have a birthday it all comes spilling back anyway.  It's almost painful too, because I want to go back and hold them and freeze time and not let them get any bigger.  But life doesn't stop moving...

I was a little surprised one day when one of my mom's friends was reliving the birth of her first daughter on facebook, because I hadn't stopped to think about how even when my babies are 38...I'll still find myself reminiscing about their birth.  But of course I will!  And it will pull my heartstrings and bring happiness all at the same time, as I remember those special days again.

Having this maternal understanding makes it that much harder to get through a day like today.  The day of my father's birth.  I don't look at it through my lenses, although I miss my dad and think of him on his birthday.  I worry about my Grandma.  Because even though her baby was 60 years old when he died, he was just that...her firstborn son.  Today, she got out of bed and thought of her baby, her toddler, her child boy, her teenager, her newly married son, her adult son, and then her sick son that died all too soon.  But her thoughts would not be far from the 26th of November, 1949...the day he was born.  She thought of how it rained really hard that day, and I imagine she remembered the fear she felt ..just a 20 year old girl about to give birth for the first time.  She remembered his traumatic breech birth and the relief that poured over her
as she held him in her arms just minutes before midnight.  I don't know everything about that day...but she does.

No longer is this day a happy one for her.   My Grandma is a strong woman, and I don't remember ever seeing her cry growing up.  But the night we went to say goodbye to Dad's body, she broke down with the rest of us.  And she sat down on the couch in that room and I sat with her.  She told me that she just couldn't leave him.  So we sat there and cried together and I saw her not as my Grandma, but just as a mother.  Eventually my Grandpa came and took her hand and led her out.  It was the saddest thing I've ever experienced first hand.  A mother saying goodbye to her son.  She had outlived her baby.  And outliving him means living his birthday without him every year since. 

I called her tonight and it was all I could do to keep from crying.  It helps only a little to write about it here.  I pray that I won't have to experience losing a child, young or old.  Grandma said how thankful she was to have had him in her life for so long, and that she can't imagine losing a young child...but even as she said that I could feel her hurt despite the 60years she had as his mom. 

Go kiss your babies...little or big.  Life's gifts are precious. 

Recapping a Memorable Thanksgiving

I missed yesterday. I got fed up with the picture thing again. I figured out a way to bring in my pics for free but it is complicated, and I was already feeling guilty for the amount of time I was spending on my blogs this month. But I can't quite let go of this month's goal of blogging everyday without some closure. There's a few more things I wanted to document first....so I think I'll do a few last posts that ramble about the thoughts that reside inside this Mayflower's head and heart. And then I'll bid you farewell for awhile. Thanksgiving looked unlike Thanksgiving for us this year. It was my mom's turn to have us all for the gathering and Lesley had long since agreed to host. But then on Wednesday she called to say she was throwing up. By that night my niece was doing the same and we all reluctantly agreed to cancel. Plan B was going to be to move the party to Jon and Meghann's house, but then we found out Mom had been with the sickies the whole day prior and we were worried about infecting anyone else. Lincoln, age 2 was just diagnosed with Diabetes this fall and Daphne's show was set to begin the day after Thanksgiving. We had to protect especially these two. So all of a sudden we had NO where to be and NOTHING to cook and although it was really sad, it also felt like an amazing gift of relaxation. I went to the gym, and we watched a lot of tv, and Mike took a long nap. Then we got all gussied up and went to my favorite local restaurant for a good meal. The irony was that when I was feeling so invigorated to be doing something different and easy, and feeling so proud of my sweet family as we paraded into the restaurant....Daphne was feeling very sad. She cried and buried her head in her book most of the meal. The kids were really bummed, first, that we weren't with family and secondly to find out that the restaurant only had a special 3 choice menu for the holiday...none of which included any kid food. Mike and I could understand their disappointment so we weren't too hard on them for acting a bit spoiled. We ended the night with a kid movie rental and ice cream from Walgreens. And I fell asleep on the couch at 8pm. And after all that rambling, the one thing I'd like to remember out of that whole day is how stinkin cute Henry was all dressed up, with his new hair cut and walking into the restaurant holding his daddy's hand like a big boy. But he isn't a big boy, and I'm still a mommy with a little one and I love it. I loved how everyone stopped to oooh over him and I didn't even mind having to leave my amazing food to walk him around the restaurant. I'm really gonna miss this. I'm so thankful that I get how fleeting his baby days are and that I am cherishing them. It was definitely a really really good day at our house!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Frustration

I had a good post all planned out and even executed today.  But my blog says I'm all out of picture space and now I have to purchase space every month!  It's only 2.50 a month but still...I can't keep but thinking that's almost a tall latte at Starbucks people.

What should I do?

I really have to think about this!

You may just have to see at facebook for the rest of the month! 

Til later, Happy Thanksgiving!  Love you all.  Off to do laundry!

 Weirdest thing, is it lets me copy and paste pics (sometimes) but that is laborsome.  Still...I had to leave you at least one picture for the day.  Can you see how curly my hair was?  What other picture clues do you find fun?  Mom looks tired...aren't we always on holidays?  And where are all the men anyway?!

Fifties Girl

There's no time for this story.   The dishes stacked up high (again).  The garbage needs to go out.  I'm still in my sweaty gym clothes.  But it's the one I planned out for today.

I'll make it short, because I already know and won't forget this one...and you, well, if you are reading, you are jumping to the picture anyway.

I've been working hard since the first weeks of March on losing all the extra weight I've been carrying the last couple years.  First, with my nutrition and then after the weight started coming off, I added the exercise.  And I'd like to say that I've conquered all my goals and will never have to fight this fight again, but I know myself all to well.  I've been on a weight loss battle since the 6th grade.  A roller coaster...not the fun kind!  But, I can say that I'm working on health more than the looks this time.  It's not for an upcoming trip or reunion or for that pair of jeans...although those are little bonuses.  It's a day to day, making good choices, and trying to set good examples for my kids.

I have a run of great days, and then slip ups and then I try to get right back on track.  Unfortunately, it's a story we all know too well.  Being a gal in the 21st century isn't easy...and it probably wasn't ever easy!

But I have lost 45 pounds and feel pretty good in my clothes.  Yesterday I ordered a new dress...one that accentuates the curves my Grandma passed down to me...small waist, hips.  I think I woulda been a better "fifties girl" than a skinny jeans one.

Henry's First real Haircut

 before..shaggy is cute, but it was getting to be a pain!

i tell ya what...they say little girls have their daddy's around their finger...well the same must be true of boys and their mamas

Dedicated to Crystal

Crystal is Mike's cousin. She may be my only real reader...well, at least my only commenting one. The rest of you are forced to read or just skim, due to the fact that I have my posts emailed right to your computer. I really get it. This world is a facebook/twitter/texting microcosm. Me included. But I still like to write longer than the facebook community has the attention span for. Back to Crystal. She reads my blogs, she comments, and she got some great news...yesterday??? After two sons, she is now pregnant with a little girl. Yay, I love little girls:) Congrats Crystal. Now, I'll send my crew to you for piano lessons and you send yours over for crafting and baking lessons? Hee hee...I really am excited for you! Just for fun here are my left over little girl names: Verbena Violet Hattie Beatrice Lottie Eloise Genevieve

Friends Friday

My girls have been asking to have certain school friends over for weeks.  I keep returning their request with a "not today...but soon" response. 

Well, this week a friend asked me to watch her little one after preschool for a couple hours so I gladly said yes and decided to just make it a big 'ole friend day.  Ruby had two friends over after school for 3 hours, then Maisie had one friend after her school day for a few hours also, and then finally Daphne's three best school buddies joined us at 5pm for a homemade meal and movie.

It was especially a celebration for my eldest, because this was her last Friday of freedom for 4 weeks.  Her play starts next week and runs 4 weekends in a row!

All the girls had fun during their allotted time with buddies, but I didn't pull out the camera til the end when it was really warranted.

The "big girls" were into their second flick upstairs, when Daphne came down and asked if they could take a "relaxing bath".  That's code at the Riddle household for a bath just for fun...not for washing:).  I was not sure what to do with this.  I mean, they are super innocent still and just babes, but getting bigger by the second.  I decided to say yes with swimsuits on.  One of them opted to keep watching the new Tinkerbell movie...I mean, come on it IS a good one!  But these three had the time of their life in the suds.

I love all these girls and their families too. So blessed! Lastly, what warmed my heart was that the bathing beauties conversation was so age appropriate. They were singing the songs to their upcoming winter music program and discussing that they are learning about solids, liquids and gases in school and that their bodies were matter and they were displacing the water in the bathtub. Ha! Love it...pretty and smart!

If this turkey could talk....

....he'd tell you about the failed dinner last night, the 5th trip to Joann's 15 min before they closed, the late night with the yarn wrapping 'round and 'round my elbow, and how I fell asleep realizing I'd done it again...made life an emergency. But all I'll remember is my husband saving the day, exhausted tears in the embrace of one of my best friends, and the girls in moms group that made it all worth it!

  It's not the first time I've bit off more than I could chew...but honestly I haven't done it in a long time.  I'm wiser lately.  This was an honest mistake...this turkey looked easy enough!  Anyway, anyway, this mom is working on not making doing too much and being a grouchy mom.  There are no emergencies...there are no emergencies...there are no emergencies!  

Home on the Ranger

This could be one of my funniest posts of the month, so I hope I can do it justice, and give you a great giggle for the day.

So, a few weeks ago, Ruby told me that she would be having a school program and that her class was learning "Home on the Ranger".  Now, like with all moms of preschool students, I had to do some filling in the blanks.  Here is what I deciphered.   They were singing Home on the Range, but she was adding an R to the end of the word, range, to make it ranger.  I had noticed the whole school was learning God Bless America at one of the chapels I attended with her, so maybe the school was preparing a patriotic/american classics program for the upcoming Veteran's holiday or something like that.

Every once in awhile in the last two weeks she'd say, "I really need to practice my 'home on the ranger' song".  I don't pay close attention to the preschool handouts, so I was taking the little Ruby explained with the little interaction I have with the school and basically thought little about this song she was concerned about.  Oh yeah, I think I sang it to her a few times while I was multitasking ...it's a song our family knows well, as Mike has been singing it to Henry since he was a newborn.

Speed forward to yesterday as we were leaving the preschool parking lot.  Ruby said mom, "I really need to practice my 'Home on the Ranger' song.  Now I'm starting to think fast...hmmm....Veterans Day is now over..but I begin to sing...

"Home, home on the range..."  and Ruby joins in...

"no crib for a bed".

Yep folks.  There's the punchline.  All this time, this mom had no idea that everytime Ruby said, "home on the ranger", she really MEANT ..."Away in the MANGER!"

Does it get any better than that?  (a little bit...cuz last night she told Mike that Jesus was really named Henry)

I've got my work cut out!

A Merry ( little ) Treat

Even though it was only 6:15am, and I was barely awake, as I stood at the Starbucks counter, already decked for the upcoming season, my heart skipped a beat.  I gladly accepted the red cup... inside my new favorite treat.  A skinny peppermint mocha, only 100 calories, can it even be considered a cheat?

Nordstroms says lets wait til the day after Thanksgiving.  And I 99% agree.  I mean, lets not forget the day of blessings and especially the turkey.  But when it comes to the Starbucks holiday line, it doesn't have to be December, because this girl is ready!

Don't you love BURLAP?

My good friend, Leah, helped our mom's group make these wreaths in October. Aren't they cute?! I've never been in to making tutorials, but if you want the directions, I promise, it isn't hard or spendy!

Another good friend of mine, Darci, made this CELEBRATE banner for me...I LOVE it! I've never made one, but she explained it to me, so I could also pass along those details!

Wrapping up September

By now, this post seems very anti-climatic.  I mean, here it is mid November and it's hard to go back even a month and a half and remember all the chaos of September.

It really was wild.  First of all, we moved my mom into an assisted living facility in the last week of August.  That was momentous in and of itself, full of emotions that ranged from sadness to stress.  But at the same time, we were so thankful to have found a wonderful place for her in a very quick amount of time.  The whole month was figuring out what she needed, her transportation needs, and finances and spending lots of time just being with her!

Then on a different front, Henry turned one.  Wow, I couldn't believe it and yet here a whole year had passed since his birth and I was cleaning my house for a big family party!  I think I already covered his party in blogworld, so I won't repeat, but it was very emotional for me.  Birthday preparations didn't stop after Hank's big day, though, soon it would be on to Daphne's party, again here at our house, around her September 7th birthday and then Maisie's special day at the end of the month.  Besides the parties, there were special meals on their actual birth days and school treats too.  Pretty much I had my "party director" hat on all month.

Overlapping all of the stuff with mom, and the kids' birthdays, was of course the first weeks of school.  There were first day of school special hair-do's and pictures and open houses to be attended.  Ruby started preschool and was loving it, leaving Henry and I a precious window of alone time that I'm sure kept me sane that month.  (oh, yeah, there was some soccer in there for Maisie and play auditions for Daphne)

And lastly, Henry had the worst month of sleep since his newborn phase.  There were four nights in there that he was having such a hard time, that I just gave up, shut his door, pulled out all his toys and slept on the floor of his bedroom...waking up to him snuggled up next to me finally asleep. 

I seriously don't know how I made it through and yet, there was so much JOY in that month too.  The kids' birthdays, and their success in school that first month, and Daphne earning a part in the community holiday play.  Two friends even made me meals that month....and I was besides myself with thankfulness for their generous and loving acts.  I mean, I'd had  meals when my babies were born, and when Dad passed away, but never just out of the blue!  What an abudance of blessings in our life...gifts from God that were my sustenance.  Don't want to go back and relive that but I'll gladly look at all the fun pictures from that month and remember what really matters and brings my heart gladness.

Mom's Group Next Week

We are making them with cute fall paper instead of rainbow colored.  So cute, right?!

Intermission from the September Saga

I have a bit more to write about our crazy September 2012, but the next two days I have a lot to accomplish. See...Mike and I are headed to our favorite retreat tomorrow night, our family's little cabin on the Nestucca River near Pacific City. It is my first time away from Henry for a night, so that means that for over 14 months I've had a baby attached to me and you do get used to not having freedom to get away...but now that I CAN leave him I can almost taste the REST that awaits. When we go, usually just once a year around our November 21st birthday, we usually just sit inside and watch as many movies as possible. We get up only to stand on the deck and watch the boats pass or drive 5 minutes to the local restaurants for a bite to eat. Oh, and there is definitely some sleeping involved. To make a trip like this happen, I had to line up 3 babysitters to cover the 2 nights and 2 days...which means cleaning the house, packing the kids' bags, running some fun errands like special food and movies to take, and getting in my internet job hours too! It's all SO worth it. Thank you in advance to Aunt Kathie, Kayla, and Mike and Pam Riddle for letting us do this. Oh, and of course my Aunt Christie, who graciously allows us to go whenever we want to this little cabin in Woods. I'll probably post something fluff tomorrow and then skipping Saturday (no internet there...phew!) and I'll be back in full force Sunday night!

Sept Part III: Maisie's 7th Birthday

Maisie wanted a horse-riding party at Grandpa's!  We loaded up a van full of girls and headed to the "farm".  Copying her sister Daphne, she decided her sisters were not invited, so two dear friends entertained Daphne and Ruby for me during the party.   I know it's good for them to have some time just to themselves but I'm not sure I like this pattern...you know the exclusive attitude of "but my sisters are NOT allowed".  Like everything it's a balance.  Spoiled as we are with good friends,  Daphne went with her bestie Paivi to dinner and a movie, and Ruby went out to her namesake restaurant with her buddy Stephanie.

Here are the best pictures from this memorable day celebrating our Maisie Josephine who really has grown up this past year. 

Just for my records now, 7 year old Maisie knows/likes:

1.  How to bathe and dress and do her own hair....and she prefers it this way.  I'd love to do her hair all cute and complicated but she still is a little finicky so most days it's a pony tail with a twist in her bangs (growing them out) and pinned with a barrette.

2.  How to read a level 7 in school, which is some repetitive text, but lots of sight words and more often words she needs and CAN sound out.

3.  Spends her free time after school locked in her Dad's office writing and illustrating stories like "Froggy goes swimming", and "Bunny gets lost".

4.  Still sleep walks occasionally.

5.  Still wants Amazing Grace sung to her EVERY night!

6.  Loves her 1st grade teacher and wants to take her muffins and apples and special notes weekly.

7.  Is a new lover of hot lunch!

8.  Is saving to go to Mexico with Daddy this summer!

9.  Scores 1 to 6 goals at her soccer games!

10.  And says she was quoted saying she is "as fast as a lightbulb" on her bike the other night!

September Part II: "I Knew it was September"

At open house this year, I was just tickled when this poem was sitting on Daphne's desk.  I love it!

It is hard to read in this format, so just in case someday all their special work gets lost and I have no system for keeping their special work, so it's a real possibility:(....I'll transcribe it here for you and me:

I knew it was September because on Monday, I saw one ripe apple falling fast to the wet ground.

On   Tuesday, I saw two fluffy loaves of chocolate chip pumpkin bread rising in a new oven.

On Wednesday, I saw three lovely halloween costumes in a holiday store buzzing with slow people. (do you see her illustration is of a Gymboree store???!!! such my girl!)

On Thursday, I saw four yellow school busses dropping of excited running children.

On Friday, I saw five happy teachers!  At the school waving to theire students.

And that's how I knew it was September!  

September 2012 Part I

Well, at least I have already blogged about Henry's 1st birthday and Daphne's 9th...but really a lot more happened that month too. Today I leave you some of my favorite first day of school pics!

Why I'm so glad that third ultrasound revealed GIRL!

Now that I have two daughters that have reached the "older" ages of 9 and 7, I know that "maturity" brings things like the capability to shower and dress and even do their hair all on their own in the morning, or audition and capture a role in the community play or make a mom proud with good behavior in school. But I also know that most of the time they stop saying things daily that you make sure to tell your friends and your hubby in the wee hours of the night before you both crash on your pillows.

Well, Ruby, age 4 3/4 (sob) is still in this phase of cutest things said and I know it's almost expired. So I just have to share! Here are the ones I can remember from this fall...I'm leaving out the quotes since they are all her quotes:

1. Mom my preschool teacher said today that we should go out into the world and praise God.

2. Mom did you know that I can do a sommer sault under the water without plugging my nose?....yea, God learned me that!

3. Mom does this (points to Carharts logo on her overalls) stand for jobsites?

4. Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me hump-sing good to eat. (something is always HUMPsing)

 5. Mom, did you know God is with you everytime you are afraid? big pause...Even when there's a bear!

And see, since I haven't been blogging much, I've forgotten all the ones from this summer, which makes me sad. Lastly, I'll leave you with something very silly she does right now. One day, Daphne did her nails, complete with cleaning out the beds of them with the end of a cuticle file. Well, that really impressed her. So now every once in awhile she slyly looks at me as she goes out into the backyard, and then I find her inside in a corner a few minutes later with a knife or something sharp. She goes outside and runs her fingers through the dirt just to have something to clean out of her nails. Besides her cute sayings and cute doings, I love to capture her on camera. She's beautiful. And I'm not sure when I found out we were having a third girl that I knew they could all bring such different joy and beauty to our family. Like her name, she really is a gem!

(ever since she was tiny, I knew that she had a different trait than the girls...the ability and desire to make people laugh...this last photo is her doing her thing!)