10 years tomorrow....

Ten years ago tonight, I imagine I went to bed like any other night in that season-  probably tired. I had a curly haired, six year old daughter in kindergarten, a spirited 4 year old in preschool, and a two year old, who was so easy going sometimes it’s hard to remember her toddler years.  Pretty sure we were in a recession and work was rough for Mike.  

I had no clue that my dad would be going to bed for the last time -  not to wake up ever again.

I remember getting the call midday I believe... because someone had to go get Daphne for me from her afternoon kindergarten....

It was an awful call.  No one wants to lose someone dear to them without getting a chance to say goodbye and I definitely didn’t get that moment.  I don’t think I’d seen him for 3 weeks maybe.  Most of the time we talked on the phone briefly.  He was really sick and didn’t travel to me much- I think he came for Christmas that year though.  And his home wasn’t the best place to take little ones.   But those are somewhat excuses because I wish I could go back and spend more time with him that last year... those last years.

Then again, I think he knew us kids were really busy raising our little ones and he was proud of Les, Jon and me.  Time has allowed me to forgive myself for that... 

I still wish though for that last conversation and hug.  Also I have so many questions for him now that he’s been gone for ten years and I’m in a different place in my life.  I think he and I were more similar than I ever thought and I’d love to ask him about his struggles and his hopes and dreams. 

I could go on and on but I’m on the verge of crying and I really need to go to bed!  Tomorrow is a BIG day here.  Lots to do-  need my rest.

One last thing, though that I say over and over -  60 is way too young to die and I so wish he could have had that retirement he always seemed to be excited about!!  

Oh, and of course I really wish he could see the kiddos now.  They have changed so much and they are really amazing individuals with unique gifts.  And of course he never got to meet Henry and Dad would get such a kick out of him .  I do like to think he can see us sometimes but not sure how that works.  

Well, miss you forever Dad.  The next couple weeks- on our little vacation are going to be dedicated to you.  

Sleep.

My favorite thing about this funny season in life is sleeping in or even more than that, not having a particular time I have to wake up.

Sometimes I still get up at 6 or 6:30... but mostly it’s around 7-7:15 and it feels so lazy and blissful.

I love love love going to bed and knowing I can take my time in the morning!  What pressure that took off my shoulders!

Right now Henry is sleeping -  upside down-  in my bed.. so late for him.  He crawled into bed with me at 7 I think.  And Tate is at the end of the bed keeping my toes warm.

I would normally be up, but this is my third piece of writing of the morning and I’m sipping my coffee!  

I love the beginning of the days and the end of the days.  In the middle is often tough.  But a lot of good happening here.  Not the house projects I had thought I’d do, but a lot of relationship stuff with the kids and Mike.  You know the stuff of memories!  

My Strong Friend Take Two

Today’s my (insert word) friend’s bday!  What adjective?! Come on Stef.  What word?  What word to pair with Julie on her special day.  The day her mama brought her into this world.  This hard-  sometimes unforgiving- nonstop-  challenging BEAUTIFUL world.

I started writing “my dear friend”.  Nope... I mean yes, but nope, not what I want to say.  “My strong friend?” Like the post I wrote years ago ? Well of course! Yes, she’s dear to me and yes she’s bad ass strong. But what word encapsulates Julie to me in this season?

What comes to mind again and again is REAL.  

The dictionary explains real as:

“Not imitation or artificial; genuine”

Yesssssss (she taught me those multiple s’s by the way)!  

So genuine.  

In the beginning of our friendship, I think I lived a bit in awe of her.  Wanting to be like her - look like her...and all the while sorta wondering why she wanted to hang out with someone not so cool I guess. 

And then as the years went by our friendship became part of daily life.  Our weekly workouts.  Texts. She kept showing up at my door unannounced and our husbands became friends too.  Family vacations and couple vacations.  Exciting and many many mundane conversations about dishes and laundry and cookies and vodka and workouts and kids.

Every day she’s real with me. And I’m so thankful that I can be so real with her too.

I don’t hold her up on a pedestal as much as I did initially.  And she’s probably the one that taught me how to take her off of it.  To try to take everyone off those pedestals.  I’m grateful for that.  The reminder to be me.  Do me.  Be real. Imperfect beautiful friends ♥️

Julie you are refreshing.  You do still challenge me to be strong.  And even today I got on my treadmill and pushed myself thinking I can do a portion of what my super fit friend can do!! But in this season, when I’m not feeling as strong, you encourage me to just be.  Be real.  No pretenses... just genuinely in the moment.. feeling it all.  And some of those moments and feelings are super hard.

So immeasurably glad you came into this world to be by my side and be real with me.  And I know my real isn’t always easy and pretty to be friends with!

Your real is encouraging to me.  Every.single.day!

Happy birthday my real friend-  Here’s to many more!!

🎈♥️me 

Easter 🐣

Today was such a good day!  In no particular order!

Sun.

Baking.

Egg hunt!

An amazing dinner!

Dressing up.  (Not hank and mike)

The Sound of Music.

A game with Ruby.

Church with my super sweet sister in law! 

FaceTime with my awesome brother!

Cake!!!!

Lots of outdoor time!

5 loads of dishes!

Cocktails on the backporch!

How was your day?

🍰 me 

Easter Eve

Wow the last couple days have been so full!  

We had our first BBQ in our new outdoor space...

Maisie worked on a dancing duet with a friend from the distance of our two homes and the friend’s brother merged the two videos-  Gosh that was tricky!  But it turned out so special-  too hard to share here.  

Daphne and I sang a duet too- whoa-  so scary and it took many takes.  But it was well received.  Both of those were for a fundraiser we are doing at our local theater!   Not gonna share ever beyond the private fb page😂

Lots of chores!

And getting ready for Easter!!

My mamas trees are blooming.  She is telling us that everything is going to be okay!

My heart is so full.  We are healthy and safe and really rested.  I’m so thankful for these days.  

Praying you are all well too...  God Bless You!  

💗me 

Highlights and a challenge for me...

I thought returning to blogging would really set my soul on fire to write again. Well that and to record 

all our goings on during this historic stay at home time.

But between Facebook, the girls’ dance Band page that lights up all day, a fun singing project at our local theater, home school, workouts, chores and the texting with friends that keeps me social and sane—- there’s not much more to say!  

I told mike this am I woke up feeling convicted that I’m addicted to my phone and it’s got to stop.  I check it all.day.long.  And I won’t go into that here but for Easter weekend I’m gonna put it aside.  I’ll still allow myself some texting but not gonna look at Facebook and messenger and our dance community challenges and conversation. 

I feel like the kids are going to leave the house knowing a mom who had a phone as an appendage.  Ugg.  And so I’ll try to do this.

I actually was doing it before the pandemic hit-  I was dieting and staying off social media.  And that took a ton of will power.  Darn it.  

Will see how I do with this mini challenge!  But it’s sunny out and it’s a holiday weekend too.

Wishing you all the best weekend as well!

Here’s a few picture of our week:

The little things ...

Today we got to celebrate a friend’s birthday!!! It was a really fun bday parade in front of her house... 

And I saw Ruby for who she is ... a people person!  And one that loves to give and participate in joy!

Then all four kids and Briar got to take a ride in the back of the pick up truck into the countryside.

I was following in the suburban and they were so happy!  Good to get out and have some sun!

Happy Birthday Finley Marie-  so thankful you are Ruby’s person.  You two just fit!

💚me

Stuffed Cabbage Rolls - Keto

YIELDS: 1 DOZEN

PREP TIME: 0 HOURS 15 MINS

TOTAL TIME: 1 HOUR 45 MINS

INGREDIENTS

FOR THE SAUCE:

1 

(14-oz.) can diced tomatoes

1 tbsp. 

apple cider vinegar

1/2 tsp. 

red pepper flakes

1 tsp. 

onion powder

1 tsp. 

garlic powder

1 tsp. 

dried oregano

Kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

1/4 c. 

extra-virgin olive oil

FOR THE CABBAGE ROLLS:

12 

cabbage leaves

1 lb. 

ground beef

3/4 lb. 

ground pork

1 c. 

riced cauliflower

3 

green onions, thinly sliced 

1/4 c. 

chopped parsley, plus more for serving 

Freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

FOR THE SAUCE: 

1. Preheat oven to 375°. Puree tomatoes, apple cider vinegar, red pepper flakes, onion powder, garlic powder, and oregano in a blender; season with salt and pepper.
2. In a large deep skillet (or large pot) over medium heat, heat oil. Add pureed tomato sauce, bring to a simmer, then lower to medium-low and simmer for 20 minutes, until slightly thickened.

FOR THE CABBAGE ROLLS:

1. In a large pot of boiling water, blanch cabbage leaves until tender and flexible, about 1 minute. Set aside.
2. Make filling: in a large bowl, combine ½ c. tomato sauce, ground meats, cauliflower rice, scallions, and parsley. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Spread a thin layer of sauce on the bottom of a large baking dish. Using a paring knife, cut out the hard triangular rib from each cabbage leaf. Place about ⅓ cup filling into one end of each leaf, then roll up, tucking in the sides as you roll. Place rolls seam side-down on top of sauce in baking dish. Spoon remaining sauce on top of cabbage rolls. Bake 45 minutes to 55 minutes, until the meat is cooked through and internal temperature reaches 150°”
4. Garnish with more parsley before serving.

Behind on blog posts so I may do a few today!  These are amazing though-  a new recipe tried and successful during this quarantine!!!

Easter Candy

I keep going back to the displays of Easter candy when I venture to the store.  Maybe because it’s pretty and comforting in more ways than one.  And I bring some home and we eat it all and the girls even ask me not to buy anymore but eventually I throw some in the cart again.  Oh there’s always a rule I like 1-3 snack size candies a day...but who’s is kidding who?!  Me that’s

who!!  

Like tonight.  I couldn’t wait for the kids to finally go to bed!  I’m so lucky too, cuz my kids are in bed-  even now during this pandemic-  by 10.  It’s just us-  we are not night owls - even on vacations and weekends... 

I’d usually be in bed -  actually asleep by 10pm too but the last two nights I’ve found myself sitting on the couch with Tate.  Oh yeah- we only have one couch.  I sold the other pieces of furniture before this hit.  So we have three spots to sit in the living room...  and by that I mean if the kids are super close together spots! 

So back to the couch.  Now it’s my first time to sit down all day on the ONE couch. And eat candy.  So the kids don’t see me ignore the rule. Oh and the quiet...the quiet is healing.

It hit me tonight, this is reminiscent of when they were toddlers.  I’d stay up really late to catch up on chores that I couldn’t get to during the day AND for that first breath of aloneness.  I find myself in that position again now.  I’m super tired but I’ll force myself to keep going just to wipe down a counter, fold a load, cram some candy in my face and to hear myself breath.

Ahhhhh. This is an interesting time.  I want to remember it.  Because I think it’s changing all of us.  I think we will look back and see the good in this.  I hope so.

By Ruby today

Gonna get that egg bake out of the oven now... toss these wrappers... and go to sleep.  Tomorrow’s another day.  Thank goodness tomorrow Friday!! 

🤍me

(Temporary Backup) Wednesday Thoughts

If I was tired Monday night I was even more tired Tuesday night.  So I didn’t blog.

We homeschooled double the time as Monday, we exercised, I took Maisie back to the doc AGAIN,  I cooked a new recipe for dinner, made cookies after dinner, did all those dishes (we have no more paper plates), then took some kids on a long drive.... 

Good LONG days!  

Here’s a fun idea I had for my post.  These are the things we are seeing more in our house lately!!!  Makes me happy.

Lots of old fashioned sorta of living plus some new things like ZOOM classes, FaceTime,  and online school!

What new at your house?

♥️