Monday, November 26, 2012

Her Saddest Day

Isn't it strange how until you are a mom there are so many emotions you don't understand?  I remember imagining what it would be like to give birth to my first baby.  I was excited and knew it would be indescribable, but still I didn't know how exactly I would feel.  And then Daphne was born and I wanted to memorize every detail about that day.  I wanted to hold onto that JOY, that unduplicated JOY, that comes when you meet your child for the first time.  I wrote every detail down of all of my babies birth stories...I just never wanted to forget anything.  And yet, every year when each one of them have a birthday it all comes spilling back anyway.  It's almost painful too, because I want to go back and hold them and freeze time and not let them get any bigger.  But life doesn't stop moving...

I was a little surprised one day when one of my mom's friends was reliving the birth of her first daughter on facebook, because I hadn't stopped to think about how even when my babies are 38...I'll still find myself reminiscing about their birth.  But of course I will!  And it will pull my heartstrings and bring happiness all at the same time, as I remember those special days again.

Having this maternal understanding makes it that much harder to get through a day like today.  The day of my father's birth.  I don't look at it through my lenses, although I miss my dad and think of him on his birthday.  I worry about my Grandma.  Because even though her baby was 60 years old when he died, he was just that...her firstborn son.  Today, she got out of bed and thought of her baby, her toddler, her child boy, her teenager, her newly married son, her adult son, and then her sick son that died all too soon.  But her thoughts would not be far from the 26th of November, 1949...the day he was born.  She thought of how it rained really hard that day, and I imagine she remembered the fear she felt ..just a 20 year old girl about to give birth for the first time.  She remembered his traumatic breech birth and the relief that poured over her
as she held him in her arms just minutes before midnight.  I don't know everything about that day...but she does.

No longer is this day a happy one for her.   My Grandma is a strong woman, and I don't remember ever seeing her cry growing up.  But the night we went to say goodbye to Dad's body, she broke down with the rest of us.  And she sat down on the couch in that room and I sat with her.  She told me that she just couldn't leave him.  So we sat there and cried together and I saw her not as my Grandma, but just as a mother.  Eventually my Grandpa came and took her hand and led her out.  It was the saddest thing I've ever experienced first hand.  A mother saying goodbye to her son.  She had outlived her baby.  And outliving him means living his birthday without him every year since. 

I called her tonight and it was all I could do to keep from crying.  It helps only a little to write about it here.  I pray that I won't have to experience losing a child, young or old.  Grandma said how thankful she was to have had him in her life for so long, and that she can't imagine losing a young child...but even as she said that I could feel her hurt despite the 60years she had as his mom. 

Go kiss your babies...little or big.  Life's gifts are precious. 

Sunday, November 25, 2012

There's times in my life that I'm sure God gave me an overdose of sentiment and emotion when he stitched me up in my mother's womb.   There aren't many occasions that I regret this characteristic about myself.  But sometimes I feel so deeply and love so deeply that it's painful.  Then again, maybe that's just being a mother.  In these situations I long to write, and let the pent in feelings find release in the ink.  And yet, the written word can never do the heart justice.  I leave you this season with just a wink's glance at how my heart has been bursting watching Daphne's experience with her play.  Here is a picture of us at opening night and a poem I've written to give her on her closing show.







This is a poem for you Daphne Rose, about your role in the Best Christmas Pageant Ever…
From our shouts when you were given just a try out time, I’ve loved every part of your endeavor.

First there was memorizing that monologue, and I remember how you had it down in one day flat,
Then there was your audition and the moment the phone rang to say you had a call back!

And next I watched as you competed for the role that you really wanted…I’ve never been so nervous!
But the very next day there was that email offering you the part that you wanted…YOU were  Gladys!

From then on it was a lot of practice …. Four nights a week of rehearsing,
But you loved it all… the costume fittings, photo shoots and even carol singing.

Oh yes, you were tired in the mornings and sometimes I had to remind you not to whine.
But at the theater or even when you got home at night you were so on Cloud Nine!

You buzzed about your new friends, like Ruby and Makayla, and your  “cast family”
And everyone was so kind to us, and encouraging and welcoming.

Daddy sacrificed so I could come once a week to watch you in all of your glory
I couldn’t get enough:  your spark on stage, these new friends, this beautiful story.

It’s funny too, that one of my favorite memories that I will always remember,
Is you girls in the dressing room singing, “We’ll never ever EVER get back together”.

And finally after all the hard work, after you slowed your lines down and spoke louder,
It was OPENING night and I tell you baby girl, your family couldn’t have been any prouder.

You didn’t forget one line, and you relished in the audience.
Your friends were amazing too, and I can think of nothing else since.

Shazam!   And Hey Hey…go see him, go see him, he’s in the barn…
It’s Jesus!  And especially your last line, Unto you a child is Born!

There’s this joy for you that’s unquenchable, there’s this pride that’s undeniable.
You’ve stolen this mother’s heart…. just like another mother, holding her baby in the stable.

Even after the show wraps and the last curtain call, I know for years I’ll remember,
That this was one of my favorite Christmas seasons ever!
Love forever, Mom


 
 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Recapping a Memorable Thanksgiving

I missed yesterday. I got fed up with the picture thing again. I figured out a way to bring in my pics for free but it is complicated, and I was already feeling guilty for the amount of time I was spending on my blogs this month. But I can't quite let go of this month's goal of blogging everyday without some closure. There's a few more things I wanted to document first....so I think I'll do a few last posts that ramble about the thoughts that reside inside this Mayflower's head and heart. And then I'll bid you farewell for awhile. Thanksgiving looked unlike Thanksgiving for us this year. It was my mom's turn to have us all for the gathering and Lesley had long since agreed to host. But then on Wednesday she called to say she was throwing up. By that night my niece was doing the same and we all reluctantly agreed to cancel. Plan B was going to be to move the party to Jon and Meghann's house, but then we found out Mom had been with the sickies the whole day prior and we were worried about infecting anyone else. Lincoln, age 2 was just diagnosed with Diabetes this fall and Daphne's show was set to begin the day after Thanksgiving. We had to protect especially these two. So all of a sudden we had NO where to be and NOTHING to cook and although it was really sad, it also felt like an amazing gift of relaxation. I went to the gym, and we watched a lot of tv, and Mike took a long nap. Then we got all gussied up and went to my favorite local restaurant for a good meal. The irony was that when I was feeling so invigorated to be doing something different and easy, and feeling so proud of my sweet family as we paraded into the restaurant....Daphne was feeling very sad. She cried and buried her head in her book most of the meal. The kids were really bummed, first, that we weren't with family and secondly to find out that the restaurant only had a special 3 choice menu for the holiday...none of which included any kid food. Mike and I could understand their disappointment so we weren't too hard on them for acting a bit spoiled. We ended the night with a kid movie rental and ice cream from Walgreens. And I fell asleep on the couch at 8pm. And after all that rambling, the one thing I'd like to remember out of that whole day is how stinkin cute Henry was all dressed up, with his new hair cut and walking into the restaurant holding his daddy's hand like a big boy. But he isn't a big boy, and I'm still a mommy with a little one and I love it. I loved how everyone stopped to oooh over him and I didn't even mind having to leave my amazing food to walk him around the restaurant. I'm really gonna miss this. I'm so thankful that I get how fleeting his baby days are and that I am cherishing them. It was definitely a really really good day at our house!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Frustration

I had a good post all planned out and even executed today.  But my blog says I'm all out of picture space and now I have to purchase space every month!  It's only 2.50 a month but still...I can't keep but thinking that's almost a tall latte at Starbucks people.

What should I do?

I really have to think about this!

You may just have to see at facebook for the rest of the month! 

Til later, Happy Thanksgiving!  Love you all.  Off to do laundry!

 Weirdest thing, is it lets me copy and paste pics (sometimes) but that is laborsome.  Still...I had to leave you at least one picture for the day.  Can you see how curly my hair was?  What other picture clues do you find fun?  Mom looks tired...aren't we always on holidays?  And where are all the men anyway?!



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Fifties Girl

There's no time for this story.   The dishes stacked up high (again).  The garbage needs to go out.  I'm still in my sweaty gym clothes.  But it's the one I planned out for today.

I'll make it short, because I already know and won't forget this one...and you, well, if you are reading, you are jumping to the picture anyway.

I've been working hard since the first weeks of March on losing all the extra weight I've been carrying the last couple years.  First, with my nutrition and then after the weight started coming off, I added the exercise.  And I'd like to say that I've conquered all my goals and will never have to fight this fight again, but I know myself all to well.  I've been on a weight loss battle since the 6th grade.  A roller coaster...not the fun kind!  But, I can say that I'm working on health more than the looks this time.  It's not for an upcoming trip or reunion or for that pair of jeans...although those are little bonuses.  It's a day to day, making good choices, and trying to set good examples for my kids.

I have a run of great days, and then slip ups and then I try to get right back on track.  Unfortunately, it's a story we all know too well.  Being a gal in the 21st century isn't easy...and it probably wasn't ever easy!

But I have lost 45 pounds and feel pretty good in my clothes.  Yesterday I ordered a new dress...one that accentuates the curves my Grandma passed down to me...small waist, hips.  I think I woulda been a better "fifties girl" than a skinny jeans one.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Henry's First real Haircut

 before..shaggy is cute, but it was getting to be a pain!






i tell ya what...they say little girls have their daddy's around their finger...well the same must be true of boys and their mamas