Lots of times the stories that I feel the need to tell, pull on my heart strings for months on end, slowly creating what can only be described as a song finally finished. All the while my mind, deciphering whether it is a song to be shared or a song just for me. There is always the fears that if I let it out, that the keyboard and the words won't do the story the justice it deserves. And what if a reader doesn't understand the message. It seems though, that if I just can't let the story go, then it must be beyond me and I have to trust God that he will take over for both the sage and listener. So here goes.
For years and years we lived what could be best described as parallel lives. The funny thing is that our paths crossed all the time - whether it be at the gym, the coffee shop drive through or a small town sporting event. Heck even with our first baby girls in the nursing room during a church service 11 years ago. A smile, a short story, a hello to the children that I had memorized names to. Stop. That's it. There could have been more - we could have walked through our pregnancies together, she could have been there the day the world stopped turning when my brother called and said, "'Stef, Dad died." She could have been there when the pounds packed on and I couldn't get them off. I could have been there when she needed me too - maybe when she packed up the home she had babies in and excitedly moved into the new bigger home. Lord knows those are stressful times. But for some reason, again I say we lived parallel lives in the same town - passing mamas, similar in emotional composition - but not sharing life.
Then fast forward as I most delicately intercede with a tragic moment in my life, that I dare say, may have been the catalyst to my friend's and my abrupt but new powerful fast friendship. September 2013. Again - one of those phone calls. This time from my sister - "Stef, Grandpa collapsed. He's been taken by ambulance to the hospital. It doesn't look good. I think we should go!" Grandpa Foye never lived past that evening. He had a massive heart attack and couldn't be revived. Just like that, again without warning, a huge presence in my life was ripped away. My grandpa - not unlike his namesake, was unique. Funny, witty, smart, tell-it-like-it-is, love-you-as-you-are, family-first, friends-second, never sit still, LARGER than LIFE...loved and then missed by many. I had to relive losing my dad again and together two big cheerleaders in my life. The kind that loved me unconditionally and spoke truth and taught lessons. My heart was broke open again....only for God to heal, and I know how He orchestrates our hearts.
So here I take the great leap in daring to understand the conductor. Could He have been saving her for such a time as this? Maybe I just didn't need her until that time. But for some reason I sent my just "hi" at the gym friend a facebook message a couple months after Grandpa passed away, just a little encouragement to her...and it was well received and we began working out at the gym together. And like I said earlier we were fast friends. Probably cuz there's no bologna or wading through with Julie. She let me in full force and let me see her strengths - her faults, and thus allowing me to do the same. And that's where friendships thrive. I can encourage her in my way, and she strengthens me in ways that only she can do. A long time ago my dad told me to "never say sorry" - and to be honest I thought he was being kind of a jerk. But after he passed away I realized it was one of his best gifts to me. He knew that I had insecurities that I covered up with "I'm sorries" where sorries were not needed. Julie reminded me of that. She's constantly saying, "stop saying that" or "whatev" - when I'm apologizing about something dumb. Or maybe I'm even fishing for a stroke, and she knows to say "you are stronger than that - stop!"
Don't get me wrong she's not my dad or my grandpa. She's not a parent figure. She's my peer - and she's a girl. And we share a lot of similarities in the girl department. Four kids, a desire to be our strongest version of ourselves, wives of busy husbands, etc etc But she's a powerful force in my life too, where I needed that. A show up with cleaning supplies to clean my floors unnannounced - "work harder" "laugh harder" - get your kids outside - (do I dare go camping like her?) kinda force. Her family came over last night for dinner and we laughed so much - it was therapeutic and I see my eldest daughter needing her in her life as much as me. Laughter really is therapeutic! I pray and hope it's a lifetime friendship - - one that she cherishes as much.
And I know now that she will be there when I get the next sad call. Because she knows that hurt already....and has been there when the tears came mid leg set when I said I miss my mom already.
So - here's to you Julie -- I love ya for all that God has made you to be and the way you share it with the rest of us. Don't once for a moment think you aren't special and a trailblazer in this lifetime. You are my push and truth and favorite hack squat partner. So.thankful.for.you (inside joke) Amazingly thankful God saved you for when I needed you most - because I'm able to see you as the blessing you truly are!
No comments:
Post a Comment