To do lists give me anxiety

I rarely make to do lists.  I know it's prob productive but I just hate seeing everything I have to do in print because there's always soooo much to do!   Here's today's list!  It even doesn't have the kids activities on it.

The comical thing is that I know if I step inside house I will start the dishes so I'm sitting in van doing the calls.  And Henry has emptied my purse,  honked the horn a few times and put on lip stick.  

Crashing back into schedules!

Here's to all my mommy friends and teacher friends alike.....

Today has been a really good day for me getting back into the swing of things-  but I'm oh so ready to tuck them in and hit the pillow myself!

Luckily we had no activities after school- so we eased into this again! 

If you comment here you may help me make it to the end of the day!

A little decor...

Best spring break I can remember...

Me and daphne are still in bed!  She says "it's all over..."

I say look what we did-  and this isn't even all...there was the movie Cinderella, trampoline park,  morning fun with Jessi and the kids,  and a most memorable evening with the arzners!!!

Off to deliver some homemade granola, church and a fun neighborhood bday party!!!

Embarrassing moment

Today during church I sneezed and my gum went flying out of mouth and landed on the girl's chair next to me.

Really neat stef.

True story.

My Strong Friend

I really do love to write.  It seems that this must be the way I was meant to communicate best.  Well, I do love to express myself with a warm smile, a warm batch of cookies or sweet smelling granola to a friend in need.  But when it comes to the heart and soul stuff, I'm more comfortable sitting at a keyboard (often with tears strolling down my cheeks) when I have something to say.  I stumble on my words if I'm in person and the crying and talking just isn't pretty.

Lots of times the stories that I feel the need to tell, pull on my heart strings for months on end, slowly creating what can only be described as a song finally finished.  All the while my mind, deciphering whether it is a song to be shared or a song just for me.  There is always the fears that if I let it out, that the keyboard and the words won't do the story the justice it deserves.  And what if a reader doesn't understand the message.  It seems though, that if I just can't let the story go, then it must be beyond me and I have to trust God that he will take over for both the sage and listener.  So here goes.

For years and years we lived what could be best described as parallel lives.  The funny thing is that our paths crossed all the time - whether it be at the gym, the coffee shop drive through or a small town sporting event.  Heck even with our first baby girls in the nursing room during a church service 11 years ago.  A smile, a short story, a hello to the children that I had memorized names to.  Stop.  That's it.  There could have been more - we could have walked through our pregnancies together, she could have been there the day the world stopped turning when my brother called and said, "'Stef, Dad died."  She could have been there when the pounds packed on and I couldn't get them off.  I could have been there when she needed me too - maybe when she packed up the home she had babies in and excitedly moved into the new bigger home.  Lord knows those are stressful times.  But for some reason, again I say we lived parallel lives in the same town - passing mamas, similar in emotional composition - but not sharing life.

Then fast forward as I most delicately intercede with a tragic moment in my life, that I dare say, may have been the catalyst to my friend's and my abrupt but new powerful fast friendship.  September 2013.  Again - one of those phone calls.  This time from my sister - "Stef, Grandpa collapsed.  He's been taken by ambulance to the hospital.  It doesn't look good. I think we should go!"  Grandpa Foye never lived past that evening.  He had a massive heart attack and couldn't be revived.  Just like that, again without warning, a huge presence in my life was ripped away.  My grandpa - not unlike his namesake, was unique.  Funny, witty, smart, tell-it-like-it-is, love-you-as-you-are, family-first, friends-second, never sit still, LARGER than LIFE...loved and then missed by many.   I had to relive losing my dad again and together two big cheerleaders in my life.  The kind that loved me unconditionally and spoke truth and taught lessons.  My heart was broke open again....only for God to heal, and I know how He orchestrates our hearts.

So here I take the great leap in daring to understand the conductor.  Could He have been saving her for such a time as this?  Maybe I just didn't need her until that time.  But for some reason I sent my just "hi" at the gym friend a facebook message a couple months after Grandpa passed away, just a little encouragement to her...and it was well received and we began working out at the gym together.  And like I said earlier we were fast friends.  Probably cuz there's no bologna or wading through with Julie.  She let me in full force and let me see her strengths - her faults, and thus allowing me to do the same.  And that's where friendships thrive.  I can encourage her in my way, and she strengthens me in ways that only she can do.  A long time ago my dad told me to "never say sorry" - and to be honest I thought he was being kind of a jerk.  But after he passed away I realized it was one of his best gifts to me.  He knew that I had insecurities that I covered up with "I'm sorries" where sorries were not needed.  Julie reminded me of that.  She's constantly saying, "stop saying that" or "whatev" - when I'm apologizing about something dumb.  Or maybe I'm even fishing for a stroke, and she knows to say "you are stronger than that - stop!"

Don't get me wrong she's not my dad or my grandpa.  She's not a parent figure.  She's my peer - and she's a girl.  And we share a lot of similarities in the girl department. Four kids, a desire to be our strongest version of ourselves, wives of busy husbands, etc etc  But she's a powerful force in my life too, where I needed that. A show up with cleaning supplies to clean my floors unnannounced - "work harder" "laugh harder" - get your kids outside - (do I dare go camping like her?) kinda force. Her family came over last night for dinner and we laughed so much - it was therapeutic and I see my eldest daughter needing her in her life as much as me.  Laughter really is therapeutic!  I pray and hope it's a lifetime friendship - - one that she cherishes as much.

And I know now that she will be there when I get the next sad call.  Because she knows that hurt already....and has been there when the tears came mid leg set when I said I miss my mom already.

So - here's to you Julie -- I love ya for all that God has made you to be and the way you share it with the rest of us.  Don't once for a moment think you aren't special and a trailblazer in this lifetime.  You are my push and truth and favorite hack squat partner.  So.thankful.for.you (inside joke) Amazingly thankful God saved you for when I needed you most - because I'm able to see you as the blessing you truly are!

I use Facebook to admit guilt.

I realize it.  

I keep it in check-  I think.

But this morning I'm missing it.

Yesterday I was negligent.  And it was pure lazy.  I was a bad mom and there can be no refuting that claim.  But I need to shout it the world.

My children got burnt.  And it breaks my heart this am.

I've learned my lesson-  moving on....sorta....

I'm sorry girls!

So much to be thankful for...

Mike took a whole day off (in the middle of the work week)

Whole bunch of healthy kids.

Friends doing life together....

Exercise

This great Pacific Northwest!

And this one is worth repeating-  whole bunch of healthy kids!!

Pulling back into mcminnville right now with sandy feet, chapped skin,  hungry tummies and happy hearts!

This ones for Steve!

To me a hero is someone who comes to your rescue and doesn't ask why you are in the predicament you find yourself.

When we are stuck we don't need a lot of questions,   we just need help.

On Saturday,  I found myself in such a fix.  I barely made it into Sunriver with my vehicle.  In Bend the engine light came on and it didn't want to go as the light went from red to green.  I slowly pulled into the closest parking lot and let it rest- saying prayers. Luckily when I turned it back on it seemed okay.  We made it into sunriver resort -  but in the last hills up to the house it started to sputter again.

Now -  everyone was out and about when we arrived accept my cousin in law -  Jill's dad-  Steve.  Now imagine the dad of one of your best friends later in life.  You don't have a lot of years of memories but you've been at birthday parties and dedications and seasonal gatherings together and you know he's one to count on!  

I explained my worry.  Something was wrong.  He jumped into action!  Checked out my oil situation-  no oil was showing up on the stick thing.  (Seriously I don't know much). So he rode his bike to the nearby store and got oil.  He put it in and still no oil registering on that stick thingy.

So now he says he's gonna drive it to Bend and get the oil changed and see what's going on.  He's gone for a long time.  Come to find out he waited in a line for 1 hr and 30 min..... Only to still not be waited on so he went to the 2nd shop.  They changed my oil and put a lot in-  for some reason my van is losing oil.  He paid for it and brought it back problem solved at least temporarily.  

I had no cash on me- so as soon as I could get some,  I went to hand him what was owed him.  But he wouldn't let me pay him.

My hero!  Not once did he make me feel like a stupid girl driver and there was no question about me taking up his vacation time.  He just saved the day.

I may have cried a little when he told me  and I quote "it made me feel good to do this for you-  don't take that away from me" when I tried to give him the cash.  And he probably doesn't understand exactly why cuz I was in no state to explain.

Every since my dad passed away and mom got sick I feel a real appreciation to anyone that shows me some nurturing.  I figure we all like to feel taken care of every once in awhile.

So in honor of Steve -  make sure to be a hero to someone soon.  No questions asked just lend a hand.  Be a blessing.  

Steve,  I know my dad was smiling down from heaven thankful that you stepped in and that you made sure his grand babies were safe too!

(Precious cargo)

In honor of you I am boycotting red sauce and chicken combinations!  (Inside joke)

Stefanie

Snow morning in Sunriver!

We woke up to an inch of snow in sunriver today!  The kids were so excited!  We hadn't brought snow clothes along but there was enough at the house to go around.  They had fun playing for awhile -  snow angels and forts -  until it melted fairly fast and they came in for cider and cocoa!

Then the group divided into skiers,  movie goers and swimmers.  I led the swim team which comprised of two 3 year olds and my assistant daphne.  Froze in the pool again today!  

Jill and I made Mexican food and now we are all around big screen tv watching some basketball game that I don't care about.  

Supposedly more snow tonight...

Having fun not doing the norm and letting the kids get a ton of exercise!

Road trip spring break '15

On our way to sunriver -  just me and the kiddos!  Van is full of stuff and we have the new barbie movie playing!  Fueling up in silverton before the big trip...

Here we come Shane and Jill and kids!

The driver.

The passengers 

We may scare the others on the road!!!

Just me

Last summer mike and I got to go golfing alone and there was an abandoned barn nearby!  We jumped a fence and took a couple pictures....I just found them on mikes phone.  I was a few holiday pounds lighter -  running a lot those days getting readu for hood to coast.

This is good motivation to get those pounds off-  feel a little better in my own skin!  

But also a good reminder to take some pictures of ourselves amongst the ones of the kids!  

all in day

Yesterday my post never published so today I'll be having to do two-  if you are one of my 3 readers enjoy!

When I picked up mom for her day with me there was a guest accordian player and the little old ladies were dancing-- so sweet!

Along w mama here ruby and maisie had their girlfriends over to play-  ms fin and ms macie.  Lots of giggles and tent making!

Beautiful sun for walks, selfies and trampoline play!

Dinner guests -  cousin charity and her fun family-   7 kids in totale!

And then the drive back to newberg to take mom home.  Did I mention Im exhausted today?

Classic conversation with a toddler

Me-  Henry you want a balloon?

Henry-  ooh,  yeah....green!

Me-  okay (I blow up balloon)

Henry-  I wanna put water in in.

Me-  Ahhhh, no.  We can make water balloons this summer.  At the cabin!!!

Henry-  ooooh let's go!  Now!

Me-  oh no buddy we won't go until this summer.

Henry-  when?

Me-  summertime -  when it's hot.

Henry-  Oh!  Like with Elsa and Anna and Olaf.

Me-  (chuckling where he's going with this) yes-  "summertime!"

Henry-  who else in that movie?  Hans?  He's the bad guy!

Yep-  from water balloon to bad guy in frozen in 2 minutes or less!

My life is full of junk people

Someone once told me Facebook is like walking down a long hallway of doors wide open.  Each door peers into a person's life.   But we never go into their rooms or in the metaphor "step fully into their life". Even the "oversharers" out there can't let us walk fully into their situation.

Now,  this Facebook Lenten fast of mine has given me some great perspective.  I'm okay with my Grandma just seeing snapshots of my life.   She's alone and it gives her a laugh and giggle and she really only needs to know my highlights.  But on the flip,  I don't want to be an observer that gets caught up for even a second on another person's "beautiful entry way"... Cuz let's face it we can all keep our entryways tidy-  but step in a little farther in to my house and you will see dirt (see above pictures)and hear the occasional bad word.  And I'm not talking about my kids-  I'm talking about me--- yes,  sometimes this mom says shit.

I want to keep it all in perspective on both sides -  I shall try not to compare myself to everyone's best and I sure don't want you comparing yourself to my best.  There is nothing perfect in my life.

Well except my God who never fails me in my imperfections.  

I will conclude by saying there are two kinda of people in the western world-  those that have junk drawers and those that don't.  I do.  In fact I have one in every room of my house.  They are full of treasures and trash-  just like my life!

Ruby's First Race

After a night of disturbed sleep from watching the clock and dreaming that we missed the race,  Ruby and I set out at 7am for Portland....where the crazy people all clad in green would congregate to run!!!  Yes,  on our way to the Shamrock 5k.

A couple hiccups...couldn't find my shirt or bib anywhere this morning!!  My wise aunt Kathie assured me they wouldn't even notice and thankfully she was correct!  I also had a traffic camera take a picture of me when the rain on the ground made me skid past the crosswalk a tad on a red light.  I'm hoping the luck of the Irish is on my side with that one!

We met up with Jon,  Meghann and Cole at their home at 8am and off we went!  

It was a wet day in the rose city folks!!! We found our other family members downtown-  uncle les and aunt sue,  aunt Kathie and cousin kort,  cousin Kurt and his daughter Ella!!!  Love that last our running was about training and going all out and today was all about bringing up a new generation that values exercise and togetherness!

The kids did great!  Ruby and I came in last out of our group -  she had to walk quite a bit but she pushed herself-  especially at the end!  And she will tell you her favorite parts were the water station and the finish line.

I can't believe she said she wants to another race soon-  especially considering I had to give her a piggy back ride at one point!!!  

My favorite part was getting lunch with meg, Jon and the kids afterward.  Got to catch up and there may have been five small milkshakes involved!  Thanks Jon for treating!

Hmmmm,  the bubble bath at home was a fine treat as well.....

First place!

Just came from district spelling bee where daphne placed 1st!  So proud of our speller!!!  And all the kids there-  especially her buddies,  Laney Hyder and Jacob Harmon.  

I just love our school district so much!

Soccer coach

Mike has been Maisie's soccer coach since kindergarten.  It's been a positive bond for them-  I think.  Today there were some disappointed tears after the game-  not from mike,  but maisie.  As she collapsed into my arms I realized the coach and father line had become gray.  

It ended with a great talk and a big hug and all in all I'm so thankful that we work through hurts with our kiddos! Better to be involved and risk some tears than on the sidelines if their lives!