10 years tomorrow....

Ten years ago tonight, I imagine I went to bed like any other night in that season-  probably tired. I had a curly haired, six year old daughter in kindergarten, a spirited 4 year old in preschool, and a two year old, who was so easy going sometimes it’s hard to remember her toddler years.  Pretty sure we were in a recession and work was rough for Mike.  

I had no clue that my dad would be going to bed for the last time -  not to wake up ever again.

I remember getting the call midday I believe... because someone had to go get Daphne for me from her afternoon kindergarten....

It was an awful call.  No one wants to lose someone dear to them without getting a chance to say goodbye and I definitely didn’t get that moment.  I don’t think I’d seen him for 3 weeks maybe.  Most of the time we talked on the phone briefly.  He was really sick and didn’t travel to me much- I think he came for Christmas that year though.  And his home wasn’t the best place to take little ones.   But those are somewhat excuses because I wish I could go back and spend more time with him that last year... those last years.

Then again, I think he knew us kids were really busy raising our little ones and he was proud of Les, Jon and me.  Time has allowed me to forgive myself for that... 

I still wish though for that last conversation and hug.  Also I have so many questions for him now that he’s been gone for ten years and I’m in a different place in my life.  I think he and I were more similar than I ever thought and I’d love to ask him about his struggles and his hopes and dreams. 

I could go on and on but I’m on the verge of crying and I really need to go to bed!  Tomorrow is a BIG day here.  Lots to do-  need my rest.

One last thing, though that I say over and over -  60 is way too young to die and I so wish he could have had that retirement he always seemed to be excited about!!  

Oh, and of course I really wish he could see the kiddos now.  They have changed so much and they are really amazing individuals with unique gifts.  And of course he never got to meet Henry and Dad would get such a kick out of him .  I do like to think he can see us sometimes but not sure how that works.  

Well, miss you forever Dad.  The next couple weeks- on our little vacation are going to be dedicated to you.