It's My Birthday!

It's been one heck of a ride so far! I think I'll go take a nap:)

Trying to Heal

I've never done this before, but I went away all by myself. I'm at one of my dad's favorite places. The coast. And it's a beautiful day.

And yet, it's 1pm and I haven't gotten out of bed!!! It feels SOOOOOO good.

A few friends and family members didn't want me to be alone this weekend, but I just knew it was right! I'm finally resting, and a bit at peace.

It's just the beginning of healing, but Dad would be smiling at me right now.

I wanted to write and tell you all that his service was unbelievable. I can't really describe it, but it was everything we didn't even know we wanted. It truly was the Holy Spirit at work. We worked hard to prepare all the words, pictures, music, flowers, and prayers - but God was the glue. The people he brought, the words that were unplanned, the hearts broken together, the music taking us back in time, and three little kids standing together to say goodbye to their daddy. I know if heaven allows an eye down to earth, my dad would have been beaming with pride.

Life's a journey, and sometimes a crash course. Right now, out my window, the sea is calm.

I think I'll go walk alongside it for awhile....

Please Pray

Tomorrow's the day that we celebrate our dad's life amongst family and friends.
My brother and sister and I are all speaking. We practiced today in a circle on my grandparents floor, amongst loved ones. It was tearful. But with the kids playing in the background it was hopeful in a way too.

Please pray that we are brave, and strong to stand in front of so many and do our dad proud. I desire that we could come across like those three little kids standing in front of our biggest summer garden - our dad behind the camera so proud and tickled of what he and the Lord had accomplished!

I bet you're up in heaven now, Dad, eating lots of tomatoes in the finest garden ever grown!

He deserves it!

Thank you.

Heartbreak

I'm eating my recent advise. Remember the quote - "settle in the past". That seemed so "dandy" last week, and this week I'd like to squeeze those words into a pulp.

How do you "settle" when you lose someone you weren't ready to lose?

How do you "settle" when you didn't get to say all you wanted to say?

How do you "settle" when it hurts and nothing can make it feel better?

How do you "settle" when it doesn't seem fair?



These are some of my feelings tonight after seeing my dad's body for the last time. I feel like the little girl inside of me is the one taking over and I won't be "settled" until I get a fatherly hug one more time, or a phone call that makes everything okay.

I don't even have a better quote to replace that old one right now.

I guess it just feels good to write.