A Mayflower's Musings

Monday, February 29, 2016

Up in the air


I read this at one of my favorite blogs this am while my house sleeps.  Okay except my driven husband who's at crossfit and my pup who follows me everywhere.  

My life is up in the air for sure.  More now than ever before.  There's no "next I go to college", or next I get a job, and next we start a family.....so many things lay unknown.  A big pretty house standing empty still after 4 years -- waiting for the bank to release it so we can be freed to move on from that ugly date on the calendar called bankruptcy.  

A home to own again-  one that will determine where our kids actually belong in a school boundary.

A mama waiting to go to heaven.  Even yesterday I realized I can't leave my cell phone to go to church because I missed so many calls saying she needed stitches.... What will the end be like for her?

Will there be money for college?  Will the growing pains subside and these kids fly with confidence away from this nest-  me assured I did my best.

And yet I'm reminded by Ann voskamp -  that this life is lived up in the air-  where God is doing the battle for me.  I can rest.  

I'm getting better at it too.  Better at letting others help and raise my kids along side me.  Better at letting this world go and looking towards the eternal.  Oh yes,  it's a daily pulling myself back.

But today this woman is reminding me to pray more.  Funny that I prayed more when things were more certain and when life got confusing I tried to lasso it all back in with my own power.

This am I close this post with prayer...prayer for all the unknowns but also thanksgiving for the most KNOWN of all.  Thankful for this life He gave me.  All.of.it!

Friday, February 12, 2016


When we moved,  Mike and I found a box of our old CDs still packed from a previous move.  I've been listening to Alabama's greatest hits and the lyrics in this particular song are so much more powerful to me than my days in college years ago....(many years ago-  yikes)

Life ain't all that easy,  I can testify to that.
Been up and down,  and round and round,
To get to where I'm at....

We're only here for awhile,  so why not smile, hey livin' ain't all that bad.  So....

Give me one more shot.

I'll give it all I got.

Let me open my eyes to a new sunrise I pray.

Give me one more chance.

I'll learn to dance the dance.

I'm satisfied,  just being alive-  

Give me one more day.



So many times in the last 5 years I've caught myself feeling bad for myself for things that have happened to me,  to Mike and to my extended family.  The emotions are layered and complex and I guess I'm the end there's been a lot of anger for someone that doesn't get mad very easily.

But I love this song and how it reminds me that life is short, and how I yearn to master the important things while I'm here. 

Just give me one more chance....let me:

Be more patient.

More loving to myself.

Filled with more gratitude.

Smile and laugh.

Want to get out of bed.

Oh please,

Let me be content with my own dance.