Another day at the cabin...

My dad's death and my moms loss of her ability to write makes me appreciate Any remnants of the past that have their handprint on them.  Today in our cabin's guest book I found this and wanted to preserve it in my blog!

When the fighting stops...

Found this on Maisie's bed the day after Daphne's team beat Maisie's team in the battle....daphne made this sweet card for her sister!  Made me so happy!

Love me some ruby garland....

Ruby is just too funny!  I love her spunk so much -  we all can learn from her zest for life.  Her newest excitement is mikes fitbit.  She loves to wear it and get in a goal.  Yesterday she got in 11,000 steps and that doesn't count her swim lessons.

Remember to smile like ruby today!

Wordless Wednesday

A Tale of Two Readers

Today was pretty special for the Maisie and Daphne.  Both of their Battle of the Books teams made it to the finals and so they battled against each other today in an assembly!!  It was a really close battle-  78-65!!!  Daphne's team the Bookmarks beats Maisie's-  the Fierce Tigers..,  and they are headed to regionals next!!! 

Mike and Aunt Kathie came to support the girls and I got to be the official time keeper-  woohoo!!!  So special that ak (that's what we call my auntie) got to stand in for my mom today!  Mom has always been a huge avid reader and an expert in teaching reading too.  She would have been super proud!!

It's such a great program! 

Beautiful Sunday

Yesterday we attended Mike and Pam and Matt and Becca's church - Court Street Christian Church in Salem.  We are praying about making it our new church home ~ at least temporarily.  We miss miss miss the days when we saw that side of the family MORE.  The kids are growing up so fast...and holidays are just not enough bonding time in my opinion.

So, I texted Becca yesterday morning and said, "hey we are coming!" and she replied "yay, cuz I'm speaking!"  And let me tell you, we were so proud of her.  I knew she was a good speaker.  Knew she was a funny talented writer.  Knew she was wise beyond her years.  Knew she loves people.  Knew she was an actress in her youth which lends itself to funny voices and storytelling at its BEST!  But yesterday it was confirmed in my heart that she has an anointing on her life to speak God's word!

She rocked it!

And then to cap off a great service, we went to Mike and Pam's new little abode ~ a temporary home for them, while Mikey builds them a new place...and had a phenom bbq lunch!  What a special Sunday!

This is for mothers...

My aunt Kathie gave me my Grandma Barb's Bible after she passed away and her things had been sorted through.  I feel so privileged.  It's just such an honor to get to read all her notes and pieces of papers she chose to fill the pages.  This particular essay, that she must have deemed very important, is my favorite thing that I found.

It's entitled, This is for the mothers...

(here is excerpt from it)

What makes a good Mother anyway?  Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?  Or is it in the heart?  Is it the ached you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?  The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?  The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...and mature mothers and stay-at-home mothers.  Single mothers and married mothers.  Mothers with money, mothers without.   This is all of you...for all of us..Hang in there.  In the end we can only do the best we can.  Tell them every day that we love them.  And PRAY.

"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."



I mean seriously, I had goosebumps re-typing that, not only because those words are so true and encouraging, but because my very Grandma too felt the same feelings that I do as a mother. It's such a special bond.

There are times for everything under heaven--- times for Facebook and times for blogging.  I'm figuring out which is which.  Yesterday was a true blogging day.  A story I've been composing for months finally spilled out.  It would have no way fit in Facebook world.  Too long-  too raw-  too wide an audience.  But then today I wanted Facebook to just share a quick picture.  And I've spent all day trying to get a pic into my blog from my phone but I can't do it!!!  

I have a great picture of mike doing one of his WODS at his Crossfit competition!  It is always so inspiring and motivational to go and watch those comps!  I don't care what anyone says about crossfit -  my husband has found something he loves that keeps him fitter than he's ever been!  I love his group of friends and their encouraging methods!  Mikes dad and I had a great time watching him today!!!  

That's all I have to say about that!

I'm enough - Just Me

As long as I can remember - 1st grade?, 2nd grade?, I was drawn to the "prettiest" ones - Could it be that even then I believed the lies that the world teaches us?  Blonde hair, blue eyes, teeny tiny.  The ballerina.  The most popular.  The one that had the blue marks on their shoes that said "keds". Or the one that had the most jelly bracelets.  I wanted to be their best friend, if I couldn't be them.

And then that evolved eventually when I realized there were other "good" standards besides beauty and money.  I would also need to be smart.   A's would make people like me - especially adults in my life.  Lots of them.  For a long time that kept me busy enough.  Please know this was self-inflicted.  Be pretty - which included being thin of course.  Wear cool clothes - fit in.  And get the best grades.  Ha.  Yeah, that kept me in constant "keep up" motion.  Did I pull that off well?  Nah, my hair never looked all that perfect.  My weight went up and down as early as 6th grade.  Hmmm...I guess I did very well with the grades.  Although it stressed me out enough.

By college, I definitely had the thin thing down and the grades.  Add in fitness to the routine.  Fast forward to marriage - two domestic talented women came into my life.  Decorating abilities, baking abilities, seamstress, canner, between the two of them my world was opened up to all things Martha would be proud of and an expert at!  That helped me make a pretty home and a stunning baby nursery and wear an apron or two.

Report cards were no longer in my life - but I still had to keep up with my body image, my wardrobe, and now a pottery barn catalogue graced my life as well.   Oh, and when my thin body went, I focused on my new babies - their cuteness and their clothes.  Of course, it panicked me to be a size 12 but as long as my  babies were in Gymboree I could live with it.

In between these seasons of keeping up with keeping up there was some true joy in many of these efforts. When my talents and skills were involved and something made me smile.  And there have been many tears too.  I guess that's life.

Or is it?

I'm starting to take a huge HUGE step back and look at myself.  Really look at myself through God's eye more than my own and also as a mother.  What if I reached into the bulk container of jelly beans and filled my baggy with an assortment of colors.  Would I get home and count the colors and say, wow this doesn't compare to my neighbor's bag of jelly beans?  She got more reds and blues than me.  I got way too many whites and NO stinkin yellows at all.  How fair is that?  Of course not, it's luck.  But why do I go about my life comparing myself to so many women, when not only did GOD fill my life with gifts, but planned them out just perfectly.

I've wanted to be WHITNEY HOUSTON - I'd love to have that VERY rare and unique singing GIFT - but instead God gave me the ability to sing very well at church, serenade my babies, and join in a group of carolers whenever I see fit, because I can sing on tune.  Will I ever win American IDOL - NO.  I won't.  But when God created me He said this girl will sing and she will LOVE LOVE LOVE it.  It will make me smile.

I've wanted to be on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE...to go out and blow some judges away because they have just discovered that me, Stefanie, who stands out.  I will be a STAR dancer.  Will I ever even grace that stage....um no.  Can't even do a piroette.  But guess what, I can go into Zumba class and keep up with the instructor.  There are even moments when dance becomes me and I look pretty good in the mirror samba-ing my heart out.  God said this girl will love music and love to move and she will be able to dance for fun and to keep healthy.  Win win.

I've wanted to be the BEST mom on the block.  Stop in without notice and my house will look like Pottery Barn Kids.  If you look in my fridge you will find healthy food.  The kids will  be doing their homework - not watching TV.  My Bible will be opened on my bed side.  But instead, it's messy.  Don't come over unannounced please - you think I'm joking.  I'm not.  Well, okay, I love my friends so you are welcome but you will raise my heart rate and  blood pressure and I will think you are judging every piece of dirt.  God did not NOT NOT NOT  make me organized.  But you know what?  Gosh darnit, I'm gonna CLAIM my creativeness.  I can imagine and create.  I can make a house look so pretty.  I can choose colors and make a wreath and arrange things just so.  When God created me, he said this GIRL, my girl, sees beauty in all things.  She will make her house homey for her family.  Her kids will make messes because.... guess what?HE made them creative just like their mama.  Yep, they have to be messy to learn to see beauty too.  And for a season my daughter Stefanie won't be able to control messes.  But I'm gonna keep her here extra long  because she doesn't know it yet, but this is the TIME of HER life.  And God says someday, I will have to physically carry her --- when her house is beautiful and her babies aren't in it anymore.  This daughter of mine loves her kids.

And then probably my greatest wish.  And I'm sobbing as I write this because it has been the BIGGEST lie the ENEMY has every told me.  (ugly cry)  "You are not enough.  Your thighs are bigger than the other girls.  Your stomach pouches.  Your hair doesn't lay flat...in fact some people will make fun of it. You are NOT like the girls in the magazines and YOU are NOT ENOUGH".  And even today as I know the lie is not true, I want to believe it.  Why?  Because I STILL want to look like the girl at the gym that everyone wants to look like.  I STILL want to be the girl in the Nordstroms magazine.  I STILL still still want to hold onto that dream.  BUT I have to  break if off.  I have to break this lie DAY after DAY, because I AM beautiful.  When he made me...he said her Grandfather and Her Dad and Her uncle will LOVE this little girls rosy cheeks and curly hair.  She won't believe me so I will put them in her life.  God said this girl will wear a SMILE that makes everyone feel more comfortable in their own skin even when she doubts her own skin.  God said this little girl will grow up and still believe the lie at 37, but then I will show her with the best gift EVER.

There names are Daphne, Maisie, and Ruby.  And they look nothing alike and their mama, ME, will see their beauty.  She will see that every girl is beautiful.  It's my job.  My biggest job is to show them how God sees them.  And watch out if anyone tells one of my girls that she doesn't fit this world's grade A, top shelf, magazine worthy body.  I will hurt them.  Because they are special and I know they probably won't believe it.  But I will believe it for them til I die.
                             
Did I get the same bag of jelly beans as you?  Hell no.  And I don't want it.  I want the BEST me.  And man is it a work in progress.  I want to believe the lie still now in my conclusion.  It's hard to not want to be the most popular, the prettiest, the smartest, the best decorator and the model.  Step aside though....I see only heartache in the Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson story.  This world puts extremely unique people on a pedestal that they can't stand on - because its lonely up there.  Ill take my church singing, zumba dancing, occasional pretty party, sometimes made bed and average size, BIG smile for all you, strangers and friends, that I love any day over isolation.

I reach more people that way.  And guess what?  I found out recently that I help people heal in their emotional sadness.  Why?  Probably cause when God created "this girl"...well he said, sorry, baby, but you are going to feel everyone's pain in a REAL and SAD way because I want you to get  in there and listen to them and be able to understand them.  Because I need you to tell them I LOVE THEM.  And they will believe you because they will see in your eyes that you feel what they are feeling.  It may feel like a curse, but it's your purpose, your gift.  Reach out.  Smile.  Love people.

Not the norm for a "selfie" but i think i look beautiful here.....let's try to reform our view of our own beauty!

In honor of Lent, and all that represents...I decided to give up facebook.  Because unfortunately, I think in terms of facebook posts a lot of the day.  

So for 39 days (I missed yesterday) I shall blog again and refrain from facebook.  I love love love writing.  I miss it.

Today, that's all I got.  Excited to head out the door to a fun workout with a friend (that's what I tell myself although it may be hellish), and then later both girls are in the quarterfinals of BATTLE of the Books and I get to help and judge!  Go Fierce Tigers and Bookworms!!

Here's to blogging more!!

Because I can't hardly blog without pics and I have no pics on this computer yet.....an oldie of "the readers" in  honor of their competitions today!