I never did finish blogging all that was on my heart before Henry's arrival. That dumb to-do list kept me hopping. And I did get the house almost completely clean...and almost all the cluttery areas uncluttered...and special last moments with my girls and Mike too. I went to bed at 11pm on August 31st feeling pretty ready. In hindsight I wish I would have slowed down just a tiny bit to sit and just pray more. I did pray about his health and my health and the girls and the grandparents etc. I just didn't pray about how I would handle this last birth. But then again, God already knew and had me in His hands.
I have so many things brewing in my soul right now I could burst and it's hard to choose what to share publicly and what to reserve only for Henry's baby book. Around two weeks after my babies are born I always pour out every detail of their birth story into a word document, more for my memory keeping than anything else. I know that at least my girls will appreciate my elaborate records someday when they are ready to start their families.
Today I'll share with you some thoughts on something I can barely put into words. But I think you will get it. It heeds way back to a memory of me running in our neighborhood a few years after Mike and I was married. I was ready to have babies, but Mike wasn't quite there yet. That was okay though, I remember thinking the longer we waited the better it would be when the time came and the longer we waited the longer I could prolong the inevitable day when I would be done having children. It was a fleeting thought...just a foreshadowing.
And now back to the morning of September 1st. (I'm already not putting this into words the way I would like to) Mike and I were off to the hospital at 5:15am and like tradition we stopped before the double doors to pray for the events ahead of us. I was already teary. I had been the days leading up to this day. Soon enough I was being prepped for surgery and my care providers started arriving too. I was blessed to have my doctor, my midwife and my former midwife, who has since moved cities and practices, all there with me that morning. She took all the following wonderful pictures.
Ugg...where am I going with this story? What do I want you to know? I guess that the C-Section went off fabulously. It was full of excitement and wonder and me trying to freeze time through out the whole process. Henry was healthy and beautiful and so much tinier than we had imagined. Mike was walking on air as he watched every part of the procedure and took care of his son after he arrived. I did my best to focus on everything despite the drugs in my system. Thank goodness for the pictures.
He got to stay with me the entire time - Henry that is...and Mike! And the girls and the grandparents were waiting in the wings to see him as soon as possible. Their first moments with him were so joyful. I was in heaven.
Those first moments when I got to meet my babies have been the most divine, special, happy moments in my life. I wish I could relive them again and again. The difference this time was that I knew that this was the last time. It seems strange that something could go so perfectly and feel so complete and yet want to do it again. I actually woke up the next day wishing I was still pregnant and could do it again. And yet, you can't hold onto time...you have to go forward.
Since then I've been grieving the end of my pregnancies, delivery days, last appointments, final baby showers etc etc. Hormones going wild first contributed to lots of tears (and later to itchy hives -yuck) And yet, life has gone on somewhat normal AND very busy here too - school days, and birthdays, and dishes, and laundry (lots of it!) and we are doing so well.
Henry is in my arms as much as possible. I'm so glad we decided to have a fourth baby. It feels so right. I'll write more later and show more pictures too.
This post is dedicated to Mike, Mike Sr and Pam, and my mom who all have helped so much in the last two weeks. They gave me time alone with my last baby in his first days and precious time to recover, which is worth more than anything in the world. But especially my husband who understood and hugged me every time emotions overwhelmed me. I'm so thankful that even though my children will grow up and leave me someday, he will always be by my side.
