Just like Life

Last week you all know was super exciting for our little family of five! So much joy.

But isn't it just like our lives to feel and experience many emotions all in a week.

WE found out we were going to be having a son, and we also were saddened in remembering the one year passing of my dad. I've spent the last few weeks listening to his music on cds my sister has made and weeping at the deep pain that the songs bring back up to the surface. The girls are learning and loving songs by Fleetwood Mac, the Eagles, Simon and Garfunkel and Neil Diamond. I have to say they have fabulous taste and my dad would be so proud that Stevie Nicks is their favorite of all.

Can I say again..what a week!!!

My good friend Jessi summed it all up at dinner the other night by saying that she believed God gave me a little boy to help fill a void, where another man in my life was now gone. She said it more eloquently than I can replicate here. But it made me feel really good. Jessi, my childhood playmate and college roommate, and her husband were my only non-family friends that made it to his service and I will forever be grateful. I didn't even know that I would want anyone there for me, but in the end I realized I did, and she must have known that. It was a really really special service.

God continues to heal, but only those that have lost someone so close to you will know that it still hurts.

My brother wrote me this wonderful note the night before the anniversary of Dad's death. Of course I sobbed when I read it, but it makes me feel a lot better to have my sister and brother at my side in all this:

I’m just wrapping up a work day and wanted to write to tell you I’m excited for you to have a baby boy. Sad you won’t have another little girl but happy that you get to experience all that boys entail. Are you sad Dad won’t have met this one? I’m sure you are. I hadn’t thought of that until now. And of course I’m crying as I type this. He would have loved to have another boy around. I’m convinced he would have been such a neat grandpa had he been healthy when the kids were little(er).

Please pass this along to Mike as I can’t seem to find his email address right now. I’ll pray for your new son (is that as weird to read as it is to type?) … for his healthy arrival in 20 weeks (+/-), for your girls to have open hearts for their new baby brother, and for your guidance as parents raising a man of God. (We are entrusted with so much as parents.)

Love you Stef.

Your little brother.

Jon

We spent April 29th at my Grandparents, playing cards and eating pizza, laughing a lot and barely talking about Dad. But doing what we've been doing a LOT more this past year - enjoying each other while we have each other her to enjoy!

It's sure been an up and down year for me. My heart has grown about double the size - like a muscle that is suddenly being used in a different way and has to become torn down and then strengthened through the hard work.