A Mayflower's Musings

Friday, April 30, 2010

I Miss You


My dad passed away yesterday. Although he had been sick for about as long as Daphne is old, his death came unexpectedly. We rest in the fact that he died in his sleep, and that he is no longer in pain.

But, gosh darnit, my family is struggling in sadness right now. I just wish I could tell him I love him one more time, and that he had so many gifts that were not given enough praise.

Here is a poem that we found at his house yesterday:

You should have known me then

Summer days spent at the pool

Hiding in a forest glen

Entertaining when I could


Riding with the light brigade

Chasing friends down the lanes

Sleeping on a windswept beach

Measuring the losses and the gains


Loves that came and never left

Carried still within my breast

Christmas Eves without a frown

Living in a tiny town


Watching and learning from them that know

A fireplace and silent snow

Always wondering when to go

So hard to say goodbye…





I think I knew this already, but today, I have been reminiscing on the truth of where a lot of my creativity comes from. He was a writer, a painter, a sketcher, a photographer, and a lover of music and film.

Hold on to your loved ones.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Quote for your week/month/year/life




Settle in the past.







Engage in the present.








Believe in the future.


What? A girl can't dream big for her future????

Saturday, April 24, 2010

What she doesn't know...

My friend Lynn took these beautiful pictures of my girls in their Easter dresses. Two days after my disastrous day...my girls were on their best behavior for this photo shoot. I was so proud of them that I took them to ice cream afterward, and then out to dinner. What "tubes tied lady" doesn't know about motherhood is that these precious little girls of mine have stolen my heart and a thousand "moments" in Walmart will never replace my love and faith in them!

So eat your heart out lady - these are MY babies:












Thank you Lynn - you are soooo talented! My girls love you!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Reality Blogging

Sometimes I think we all spare others the true details in our blogging. Whether it is to avoid criticism, protect our kids, or just to make sure our "memories" get posted in the most positive outlook possible...I think we have all done this - and for great reasons too. I know I have listened to the little voice in my head saying, "don't sound too negative Stef, or this might make me look like a _______ parent, or I don't want ______ reading this when she gets older and getting the wrong idea".

Well, today I had one of those days and I'm going to tell it the way it really went down. Even if you try, there will be something in here for you to judge and want to correct about our lives. And so I shall worn you of it's honest nature and I want to put a disclaimer on little kids' behavior. It doesn't necessarily mean anything about their future lives - - it's part of growing up. Although, you will read about a "character" in this story that doesn't understand that yet!

Okay, finally to the morning I had and to avoid novel proportion length, I have to summarize a few parts, so that I can really bring home others. The first one of these "long stoRIES made short" was the first patience trying event. Although we arrived to kindergarten punctually, Daphne did not want to go in - claiming her tummy hurt (again). She's not lying, but it's nerves and it always goes away. So, instead of rushing her and fanning the flames of the already tearful situation...I took a deep breath, turned on the lullaby cd and said we could just wait in the van until she was ready. She entered the school 30 minutes late still crying, and escorted by her pajama pants wearing mom (me).

First challenge done, I took Ruby and Maisie home. Mike called needing a task done on his computer, so I attempted to barracade myself in his office. I started by checking my e-mail. And to my dismay I found a message from my new internet job, saying that my task evaluation was not to their standards and that I was under further review for a week (in that company those words often mean the boot). Almost in tears, with a feeling of rejection and failure not felt in a long time, I decided to give up all hope of a productive day and jumped into pretend play with my girls.

With a bit of "restaurant" and "hotel" fun, I decided to make our "swim" in the "hotel pool" (bath) worthwhile, so we could really start our day - clean and cute! Here's a true short story - water over all the walls, a dry towel dumped in the bath, and a red bite mark on my arm vanished all reminants of my mostly resilient self.

Still TRYING to pull the day together, I called my grandparents and said, "help, can we come for lunch?...I'm having a bad day!". And I picked up Daphne from school and off we went to Walmart, on our way to our lunch date. You see Daphne had 5 dollars to spend and Maisie had earned a small toy for sleeping without a pull-up for the first time with no accident. Do you see where this is going? And this is where I previously would have been worried that you were at home mocking my stupidity. Plowing forward here anyway.

How did I think it would go having a sometimes volatile 4 year old pick out a "small" toy amongst all the "big" toys?...I asked myself that question later. The tantrum began not long after a walk down the very first aisle. It may have been diffused by me in a different way, but there was a "character" in the aisle with me, and she began sharing her life with me during this tantrum. The tantrum was in its very beginning stage when the character looked at me and said, "I'm sorry...I don't have children. I'm just getting something for my niece". If that wasn't a weird enough comment, she said, "In fact, I'm getting my tubes tied this week. I wanted a full hysterectomy, but my doctor wouldn't let me." I'm apologizing to her about her cyst and trying to manage Maisie at the same time. After that I gave Maisie an ultimatum about not repeating a certain phrase she kept saying...of course followed by that same phrase out of her mouth. What could I do with a stranger (who abbhores the idea of having kids) watching my every move but follow through with my threat that she no longer was going to get a toy today. It was then that the full out blow out occurred.

As I tried to calm her down to no avail, the woman threw in a couple more "treasures" - like, "Oh, my...are all these yours?" "I don't know how women like you do it" and "Those of us with out kids don't understand this sort of thing" (pointing to Maisie).
If that wasn't bad enough, as I tell Daphne we are going to have to put her toy down and leave, Maisie runs away from me, and the lady is calling behind me, "Is she like this a lot?!!" I can't believe I had the composure to even answer her in that moment.

Somehow by the grace of God, I managed to get all three of them (none in a cart - bad decision) out of the store in full tantrum mode apologizing to everyone as I passed them. In the parking lot it got even more brutal, as Maisie played cat and mouse with me and the other girls waiting for me patiently at the side of the van. Cars stopping, a terrified woman offering her help...I finally got her into the car! And just as I did, a police car with the words "community support" drove by my van, no doubt looking for the child running from her mother.

Mike was at home, so I took Maisie home and returned to WalMart with the other girls to fulfill my promise to Daphne. (are you shaking your head at me again?) I pleaded with Daphne to let us go to another store because I didn't want to show my face again there so soon, but she had her heart set on something there and I wasn't about to punish her for her sister's antics. So we went through a different door and took the toy to a different set of registers. And guess what - the character soon got in line right behind me!

Here's what she said this time. "So...did you get her what she wanted?" I said no, I took her home to her dad to be in time out, and came back to get my other daughter her toy. Then she replies...

"Wow...that one at home really needs to be tamed!"

Are you kidding me?!!!

When I retold the story to Mike when we got home. He said, you should have told her that when she gets her tubes tied, she outta get her mouth tied too. Why don't I ever think of comments like that?!!!

Seriously, can you believe my day? I go to thinking that even though nothing like that will ever happen in heaven - if it did, a shower of starbucks cards would come from up above - to reward me for what I just withstood.

Yep there it is folks. Imperfect mom. Imperfect kids. Judge all you like - I'm so over it!!! :)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Were You There

On Friday night we went to a fun hotel in the city to celebrate Pam's birthday. All her "chicks" were present to dine, swim, and snuggle with...

We retired to our separate rooms way past kid bedtimes, after an exciting time in the pool. Daphne and Maisie were having a hard time winding down after all the fun! So I layed down at the foot of their bed and told them a couple bedtime stories.

The first was an inventive egg hunt story - - I was quite proud of how that one turned out on demand! Maisie was then cashed out. Daphne needed one more. So I decided to tell her the real Easter story. I always kick myself for not spending more time on what matters most and here was a great moment. She listened to it like she hadn't heard it before, and maybe it was just the first time it all sank in.

As I got up to go to my own bed, she said, "Hey mom, those were good stories...especially that second one about Jesus". That pleased my heart so much.

The best part came the next day though on our drive home. Out of the blue (Maisie asleep again), Daphne said, "Hey mom, was that story you told me last night true?". Beaming I said, "Yes honey it is very true!" And then with an innocence forgotten by most she questioned, "Were you there?" This again was a wonderful teachable moment. We talked about the eye witnesses and how the Bible records these stories. She took it in like breathing air - - no faith questions...just plain belief!

Of course I could not then teach her the song, "Were you there"... It's lyrics and melody so haunting!

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Oh sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?
Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?
Oh sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?

Were you there when they laid Him in the tomb?
Were you there when they laid Him in the tomb?
Oh sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?

Were you there when He rose up from the grave?
Were you there when He rose up from the grave?
Oh sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when He rose up from the grave?
Were you there when He rose up from the grave?


Then with tears in my eyes, Daphne, no longer in childlike but diva fashion, says,

"You really need to take that a key lower and not shake your head while you are singing!"

Good stuff!