Seasons cherished …

The other day I looked out my bedroom window and I saw that almost all the leaves on the tree outside had fallen.  And in that instant the realization hit me that the seasons had once again changed.  Then as thoughts often piggy back onto new thoughts— another realization transpired and it was one of grief.

Grandma lived through ninety- six metamorphoses of fall changing to winter.

Ninety-six!!!! 

And this was the very first changing of seasons that she wasn’t here for…

Grief is such a sneaky emotion.  One can be completely immersed in a normal task, without thought or care to the person we miss, and then out of no where there will be a thought that takes us back to our loss.

I was folding laundry and looking out the window one second and then the next I was thinking of my grandmother’s absence.  

She held the seasons for us in so many ways.  The way she decorated, the way she cooked and the conversations we held.  And she never once said I didn’t want to live in Oregon with it’s wet weather or it’s clouds.  

She seemed to appreciate all the changes that we experienced.

I will miss sharing the seasons with her and I sorely miss our visits. 

Going into this winter I feel a little bare myself just like the trees outside my windows. 

This Little Light of Mine

 

Often when a post starts swirling around in my head, I have so many thoughts, and I never know exactly how and what order they will spill out.

This particular musing is about our girl Ruby. Ruby is our third daughter. Sometimes I wonder if the young woman that she’s become is completely due to her God given nature, or a combination of the personality she was born with, but also her birth order. Moms of more than one children know that as each new child joins the family it isn’t uncommon for them to get less 1-1 time as the firstborn or even second. It’s not necessarily bad because they learn independence, patience and have the added joy of their siblings’ interaction but by the time I had 3 little ones, I was probably a little more tired. I don’t know if it’s because of that but she was and is easy going and happy. 

This year, with her older sisters both out of the house we’ve coined the year - the Year of Ruby. And Henry too of course but it’s a big special one for Rubes. She has a huge basketball season coming up and she’s been working OH SO HARD! She has 3 trainers that she works with weekly and she and I have been doing some jogging together and also she’s had open gyms and fall ball with her club team! She also lifts at school and has added some advanced classes to her schedule. To say she’s stepped up her workload is an understatement! We are so proud of her efforts!

But the real glint in my eye - okay the choke in my throat, comes from the words that poured out of her teachers around conferences. I couldn’t attend as I was in Pittsburgh, so I wrote them all instead and they responded with these comments that I shall save here for her (and me):

Hi Ruby is such a wonderful human. She is so sweet and is also a very dedicated student. I am so grateful to have her in biology this year and she is doing very well! She does all her work, asks great questions and participates daily.

Ruby is doing great in AP US History. She is a such a pleasure to have in class and helps create such a positive environment--she's so welcoming and friendly to everyone (including an exchange student who didn't know anyone). She does a nice job participating both in small group discussion and is not afraid to speak out in a whole class setting.

Ruby is such a joy to have in class. She has a bright, positive attitude that is contagious.  She is doing well because she is invested in her learning. She is engaged and asks questions when something needs clarification. In addition, she is generous with her talent and helps out her neighbors whenever she can.

“Wonderful human, welcoming and friendly, and a bright positive energy that is contagious.” These are the character traits that I want to send my kids out into the world with so it brings me such joy to know she’s ready whenever that time comes to leave our nest.

This next part is hard because I have to share that our high school has lost three students to suicide in less than two years. And it’s been so sad and rough for the students at the high school to bear that weight. One of her former teachers texted Mike and me at the end of the school day after the most recent death:

Hi friends,

I wanted to let you know that I am in awe of your sweet daughter Ruby. I had an incredibly difficult day at work today, as Mikalynn was one of my students. Your sweet daughter came at the end of the day to give me a big hug and check in to make sure I was okay. What a beautiful soul that one is.

Meant more to you me than I can begin to tell you. 🤍

This note, along with the ones above tell me how empathetic Ruby is and also explains why two different students have approached her about their suicidal thoughts just in 3 months. A 16 year old shouldn’t have to hear those words from peers- but they felt safe with Ruby and she got them help.And so, after some sleepless nights Ruby needed a retreat. We sent her to Palm Desert to the sunshine and her grandparents and rest.

My heart aches the most right now for the families and friends who lost their young children to suicide. But also Im attune to my daughter’s hurt. The old Sunday School song says “this little light of mine- I’m gonna let it shine”. Ruby you let yours shine so bright that others see it but that comes at a price too and your dad and I will be at your side helping you stay healthy and equipped to keep shining and giving that light!

A full week!

Ending this week on a supreme high by seeing the musical Wicked at the Keller… just wow!!! And the 3rd time seeing it in the last 10 years. Was super amazing to be in the company of Henry, cousin Charity and Harper, nieces Emmy and Phoebe and sis Lesley who were seeing it for the first time!

Backtracking on this week there was a big football game for Henry, lots of college Halloween parties for Daphne, lots of training for Ruby, a trip to Montana for Maisie and more.

And many many inconsequential moments that made up a really happy fall week for me here at home.

Ive truly been living my best life - taking care of our home and my people- and caring for others beyond my normal sphere of influence, working on my health and it’s been one of my favorite falls of all time. 🧡