Seasons cherished …

The other day I looked out my bedroom window and I saw that almost all the leaves on the tree outside had fallen.  And in that instant the realization hit me that the seasons had once again changed.  Then as thoughts often piggy back onto new thoughts— another realization transpired and it was one of grief.

Grandma lived through ninety- six metamorphoses of fall changing to winter.

Ninety-six!!!! 

And this was the very first changing of seasons that she wasn’t here for…

Grief is such a sneaky emotion.  One can be completely immersed in a normal task, without thought or care to the person we miss, and then out of no where there will be a thought that takes us back to our loss.

I was folding laundry and looking out the window one second and then the next I was thinking of my grandmother’s absence.  

She held the seasons for us in so many ways.  The way she decorated, the way she cooked and the conversations we held.  And she never once said I didn’t want to live in Oregon with it’s wet weather or it’s clouds.  

She seemed to appreciate all the changes that we experienced.

I will miss sharing the seasons with her and I sorely miss our visits. 

Going into this winter I feel a little bare myself just like the trees outside my windows. 

This Little Light of Mine

 

Often when a post starts swirling around in my head, I have so many thoughts, and I never know exactly how and what order they will spill out.

This particular musing is about our girl Ruby. Ruby is our third daughter. Sometimes I wonder if the young woman that she’s become is completely due to her God given nature, or a combination of the personality she was born with, but also her birth order. Moms of more than one children know that as each new child joins the family it isn’t uncommon for them to get less 1-1 time as the firstborn or even second. It’s not necessarily bad because they learn independence, patience and have the added joy of their siblings’ interaction but by the time I had 3 little ones, I was probably a little more tired. I don’t know if it’s because of that but she was and is easy going and happy. 

This year, with her older sisters both out of the house we’ve coined the year - the Year of Ruby. And Henry too of course but it’s a big special one for Rubes. She has a huge basketball season coming up and she’s been working OH SO HARD! She has 3 trainers that she works with weekly and she and I have been doing some jogging together and also she’s had open gyms and fall ball with her club team! She also lifts at school and has added some advanced classes to her schedule. To say she’s stepped up her workload is an understatement! We are so proud of her efforts!

But the real glint in my eye - okay the choke in my throat, comes from the words that poured out of her teachers around conferences. I couldn’t attend as I was in Pittsburgh, so I wrote them all instead and they responded with these comments that I shall save here for her (and me):

Hi Ruby is such a wonderful human. She is so sweet and is also a very dedicated student. I am so grateful to have her in biology this year and she is doing very well! She does all her work, asks great questions and participates daily.

Ruby is doing great in AP US History. She is a such a pleasure to have in class and helps create such a positive environment--she's so welcoming and friendly to everyone (including an exchange student who didn't know anyone). She does a nice job participating both in small group discussion and is not afraid to speak out in a whole class setting.

Ruby is such a joy to have in class. She has a bright, positive attitude that is contagious.  She is doing well because she is invested in her learning. She is engaged and asks questions when something needs clarification. In addition, she is generous with her talent and helps out her neighbors whenever she can.

“Wonderful human, welcoming and friendly, and a bright positive energy that is contagious.” These are the character traits that I want to send my kids out into the world with so it brings me such joy to know she’s ready whenever that time comes to leave our nest.

This next part is hard because I have to share that our high school has lost three students to suicide in less than two years. And it’s been so sad and rough for the students at the high school to bear that weight. One of her former teachers texted Mike and me at the end of the school day after the most recent death:

Hi friends,

I wanted to let you know that I am in awe of your sweet daughter Ruby. I had an incredibly difficult day at work today, as Mikalynn was one of my students. Your sweet daughter came at the end of the day to give me a big hug and check in to make sure I was okay. What a beautiful soul that one is.

Meant more to you me than I can begin to tell you. 🤍

This note, along with the ones above tell me how empathetic Ruby is and also explains why two different students have approached her about their suicidal thoughts just in 3 months. A 16 year old shouldn’t have to hear those words from peers- but they felt safe with Ruby and she got them help.And so, after some sleepless nights Ruby needed a retreat. We sent her to Palm Desert to the sunshine and her grandparents and rest.

My heart aches the most right now for the families and friends who lost their young children to suicide. But also Im attune to my daughter’s hurt. The old Sunday School song says “this little light of mine- I’m gonna let it shine”. Ruby you let yours shine so bright that others see it but that comes at a price too and your dad and I will be at your side helping you stay healthy and equipped to keep shining and giving that light!

A full week!

Ending this week on a supreme high by seeing the musical Wicked at the Keller… just wow!!! And the 3rd time seeing it in the last 10 years. Was super amazing to be in the company of Henry, cousin Charity and Harper, nieces Emmy and Phoebe and sis Lesley who were seeing it for the first time!

Backtracking on this week there was a big football game for Henry, lots of college Halloween parties for Daphne, lots of training for Ruby, a trip to Montana for Maisie and more.

And many many inconsequential moments that made up a really happy fall week for me here at home.

Ive truly been living my best life - taking care of our home and my people- and caring for others beyond my normal sphere of influence, working on my health and it’s been one of my favorite falls of all time. 🧡

Trip to Pittsburgh October 2024

Last weekend Mike and I had the opportunity to visit Daphne in Pittsburgh… it was so much fun.

I don’t know what this means but visiting our girl in the exciting, beautiful city she lives in - paired with often seeing her perform - is my favorite kind of trip. To me it beats all inclusive resorts, European cities and well, maybe not Disneyland- cuz, well that is truly my happiest place 😂 but you get my point…

I know it’s definitely because when we visit it’s often been 7-10 weeks since we’ve seen her last and we just miss her so when she’s gone!

She’s absolutely thriving in her junior year! She is super busy and very social and has the best friends supporting her! I know it’s not to be taken for granted that her musical theater group really is becoming her second family.

I even offered to stay an extra day but she has so much on her plate that it didn’t really make sense!

I remember visiting her Parents Weekend of freshman year and how she cried when I left and how my heart just broke to leave her there homesick. But this October I was definitely the one crying in the Uber leaving yesterday …

Im so glad she’s growing up to be more independent and especially more outgoing and HAPPY- but also, again, I miss her!

We truly had the best trip- saw “aunt Anita” - saw lots more of Pittsburgh and spoiled Daphne on a shopping spree! And her show was AMAZING and so fun!

Til next time!!!

Winter Blues

Gosh today was an uphill battle.  I physically felt sick from some wintery blues-  more like RAIN blues!

I’m not gonna say much cuz I’m super tired and want to nod off to dream world now...but after a long day of everything feeling heavy and hard, it ended hopeful.

Maisie made a cake!  (We only had to go to Joanne’s three times and two grocery stores!) I should say she also made dinner-  but that’s usual now on Tuesdays - hurray!  We played trivial pursuit as a family -  Ruby requested a game instead of a show!  And also... Ruby’s math teacher sent this great text:

💛Good evening! This is Mr. Howard from Patton. We have been recognizing the great work and additional effort Ruby has been putting into Math class and wanted to pass it along to you. We are really proud of all her hard work!💛

I’m so proud of her!  Put some wind in her sails and mine as her mother too!

A beautiful end to a dreary day!  We’ve got this!

Palm Springs Get AWAY

Mike and I got a quick getaway at Mike and Pam’s place in Palm Springs two weeks ago..  

It was HOT hot HoT!! 

Tuesday night to Saturday early morning we enjoyed some relaxation.  

For the memory keeping -  the shows we watched were Yellowstone and Handmaids Tale.  I finished reading The Help and started reading The Book of Lost Friends.

We were too lazy to cook much-  but Mike did make me breakfast every morning and did the dishes for me too!  We got take out and snacked on lots of chips and salsa and drank some beverages.

I had a hard time relaxing but I think it’s just that season of life -  kids are busy and doing school at home... and Pam was sick so I worried.  And on the swinging pendulum of anxiety in my life I’m in an upturn!

But I came home ready to work more on my health!  And really enjoying these kids right now so I think next time around will be another family vacay.  Dedicated to our hubby wife time too though-  such a balancing act!

Ruby at Twelve

A quick note for the records is that Ruby is now 5’8’’ and has surpassed her sisters and me in height.

Quarantine sleep was good for this beautiful basketball player of a girl!

Currently she is doing three private lessons a week to increase her ball handling skills and shooting accuracy!  We are so blessed to have a very close relationship with a super star athlete named Kylee Arzner.  Kylee is a senior at Mac High and has signed with Colorado State with a full scholarship to play basketball on their roster!  I cannot rave about Kylee’s talent and hard work ethic enough!  

It’s pretty sweet that we have known Kylee for quite awhile and that our families are close friends that spend a lot of fun times together.  So when Ruby is under Kylee’s tutelage, there is an ease and camaraderie about their interaction!  Ruby respects her highly but also knows she’s loved by her big sister like mentor too.  And Kylee pushes her really hard but is ready to cheer her on and laugh with Ruby too!

I’m excited to see Ruby continue to improve and hopefully play some basketball games in 2021!

Beyond basketball Ruby is hanging in there with distance learning - although she’d definitely prefer to be at school with her friends!  Luckily one of her best buddies, Finley, comes over two times a week to do her school alongside Ruby. 

Proud of this ‘not so little anymore’ one!  Thirteen is right around the corner!!!!